Painful

I've seen it all

By gspotter - 14/11/2014 21:58 - Canada - Verdun

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 5 040

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 043

You deserved it 3 317

Take deep breath…

By paininthe*ss - 13/02/2023 00:00

Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 134

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 02:00

Today, my son tripped into a door and slammed it shut. I'd been holding onto the door frame, leaning around to talk to a neighbour, so of course it slammed my fingers. It must be a really sharp door, because I just woke from the surgery to reattach my three amputated fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 141

Crushed

By Lia Beckworth Morris - 10/07/2022 16:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I went out with my friends. As I was heading home late, I heard the stop light beeping, meaning I could go, but some cocky prick thought he could drive past before I walked, but nope, I was met with his tire as it ran over my foot. Now I have to go to school with a cast on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 178

911 is a joke

By ouch - 25/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and somehow managed to pull a back muscle. I’ve been naked for 3 hours, scared to move because it hurts so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 211

But… why?

By Fmylife - 06/07/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 267

You deserved it 121 041

Now you know

By Ouchies - 18/03/2021 17:01

Today, I went to the beach. My friend decided it would be funny to push me into a bunch of Portuguese Man-O-War jellyfish washed up on the shore. Did you know their tentacles can sting even if they’re dead? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180

You deserved it 97

Wuss

By scaredy cat - 09/08/2020 14:02

Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 190

Panic! In the Bathroom

By MAWZ - 19/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell, and hit my head on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 772

You deserved it 5 168

Happy Caturday

By Crazy Cat Guy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fremont

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 005

You deserved it 4 552

Ace Of Spades

By MetalisLife - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I thought I died in the shower. I was very intensely playing air guitar while simultaneously headbanging. I punched myself in the dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 725

You deserved it 6 609

High risk

By Anonymous - 01/12/2022 22:00 - Germany - Dresden

Today, I unthinkingly did something dangerous and now I have a painful kink in my neck. What dangerous thing did I do? I yawned. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 114

Glad to help out

By psychworker - 15/12/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my coworker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients, with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 195

You deserved it 3 949

The Brian Harvey

By Yougotmail - 17/07/2022 06:00

Today, I managed to run over my own foot with my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 670

Hammer-headed

By Anonymous - 11/08/2014 16:27 - Canada - Saint John

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 283

You deserved it 4 945

Drilled

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 14:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was having drilling work done on my teeth. My dentist slipped and drilled a hole in my cheek. I said mistakes happen, but that I didn't expect to pay for the work. They still billed me for it and sent me a prescription that I had to go and get (and pay for) in case it got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 136

Risky comeback

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 487

You deserved it 127 708

1, 2, 3… FIRE!

By Username - 11/08/2011 04:53 - United States

Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 003

You deserved it 15 268

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 18:00 - United States - Ardmore

Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 168

Not now, honey

By rhya4n - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Denmark - Herlev

Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 349

You deserved it 3 457

This boils my piss

By Boil Man - 01/12/2022 02:00

Today, I found out it's not normal to constantly develop boils in the same general areas. Some of those areas include: My neck, my abdomen, my forearm, my forehead, right next to my eyes, right below my armpit, right next to my genitals, and even directly on my penis. I want to rip my skin off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 122

Like a true Marxist

By Anonymous - 29/12/2022 12:00 - Germany

Today, I’ve been feeling like I got something stuck in my eye for hours. Nope, just one of those tiny blood vessels swollen up to the point it chafes on my eyelid. The only way I’m not in pain is by looking exclusively toward the extreme left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 95

What do I get?

By kirassi919 - 20/09/2012 16:50 - United States - North Wales

Today, I helped my parents out by tearing down the old, rusty swing set that's been in our backyard for years. Little did I know that there was a beehive hidden in the long grass, and I now have dozens of painful red bumps all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 207

You deserved it 2 270

Whackjob

By LaterAlligator - 26/08/2022 22:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my psycho boss snatched a file from my hand so aggressively that I got a papercut. She then scolded me for bleeding on the papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 111

Part of the furniture

By ripped - 07/09/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 849

You deserved it 1 383

Return to lender

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 22:00 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I woke up and found a trail of £5 notes in my bedroom, which led all the way downstairs and into the bathroom. I got to the last one, where I was then kicked in the balls from behind. It was my sister. She said it was the money she'd borrowed from me. I was left in my underwear writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 166

Unusual diagnosis method

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 16:00

Today, after my brother punched me in the balls a few weeks ago, and while I was clutching myself in pain I actually felt a hard lump on the right testicle, I got the results: it’s cancer but survivable if they remove the testicle. I had to thank my brother for saving me by punching me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 139

Nutshot

By Blue Nut Records - 31/10/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Delémont

Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 94

Caught off guard

By dooommage - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 401

You deserved it 15 381

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Pranks Movies Animals Health Dogs Ironic Miscellaneous Cooking Painful My ex Money Relatable Transportation Cars Annoying Mysterious Geek Party Embarrassing Photography Awkward Food Theater Acting Neighbours Hobbies Healthy Lifestyle Scary Dentist

The Top

Today, I proposed to the love of my life by having the waitress place the ring in her dessert. She ate the whole thing and didn't find the ring. I guess the waitress stole the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 013

You deserved it 6 752

Today, my boyfriend of five years got me a ring for Christmas. When I opened it, I was speechless and overjoyed. He then said, "It's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 071

You deserved it 5 820

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 426

You deserved it 13 530

Today, I wore out yet another set of headphones. This is the third one in a year. I need my headphones whenever I go outside because I have sensory processing disorder, and a multitude of hearing disorders that painfully enhance my hearing. Guess I'm stuck at home until I can buy pair number four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 231

Today, I've realized my cat only comes into my room to stare out the window for like two or three minutes before leaving. I have insomnia, so I wouldn't mind having him nearby, but this is unfortunately the only time he wants nothing to do with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 142

Today, the homewrecker who stole my boyfriend had the audacity to text me that I have to pay her medical bills from the pounding I gave her when I caught her and my boyfriend red-handed. She doesn’t care that I will now be a single mom of two kids and my only source of income is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 1 041