Cute

Old soul

By Anonymous - 12/04/2024 16:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I realized I’ve become an old woman. I have dentures, wear bifocal glasses, have rheumatoid arthritis, carry a stash of candy in my purse, and got excited when I bought a new potato peeler. I’m only 29, but I’m an old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 164

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 20/08/2011 14:08 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 861

You deserved it 8 685

Well done!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 638

You deserved it 5 055

Irrigation

By Anonymous - 25/08/2026 22:00 - United States - Aurora

Today, after my neighbor asked me to water her plants while she was away, and I carefully followed her instructions for 6 days, she came home. She stared at the living room and asked why I'd watered the fake plants but forgotten the real ones on the balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 371

Link please!

By barbecued goat anyone? - 05/04/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I borrowed a goat from a coworker to clear out an overgrown section of our yard. It worked great, except for the part where the goat butted me on my ass. Of course my wife was filming and laughing, and later put it on Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 319

My love language is gibberish

By Anonymous - 18/07/2025 00:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I tried to sweet talk my crush by texting them in Spanish using Google Translate. I wanted to say, “You look amazing today,” but it translated to something like, “Your fish smells weird today.” They responded with a confused emoji and “¿Qué?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 383

Happy birthday?

By Not really - 19/07/2018 15:00

Today, I picked up a birthday card for my dad at the supermarket in a mad rush. I didn’t realise that the inside said “From your daughter”. He thinks this was my way of coming out as trans, and said that he'd suspected it for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 423

You deserved it 1 060

Reunited

By naladetet - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Newark

Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 065

You deserved it 4 486

Truth bomb

By Hoo boy - 09/04/2025 09:00 - United States - New York

Today, my wife was snoring in my ear. I nudged her, and she rolled over and started talking in her sleep. I listened, because it was funny, until I heard, quite clearly, "My husband is a dumbass, he's got no idea." No idea of what, exactly? FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 94

Scoville

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend made dinner. He warned me that it was spicy, but I laughed at him and said that white guys don't know spicy. Five minutes later, I had to beg for milk, with my eyes streaming and nose pouring. Turns out I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 752

Nervous

By amelie - 09/12/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting down on one knee, he farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 749

You deserved it 723

Not a clown car

By Anonymous - 17/08/2023 10:00

Today, after we had our daughter on purpose, then had twin girls by accident, my husband was going to get a vasectomy while I also decided to get my tubes tied as an extra precaution. At the appointment, they did a scan to make sure I’m not pregnant already… BOOM! I’m 7 weeks pregnant with twins again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 480

By anon - 05/12/2015 00:32 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 160

You deserved it 2 838

Love language

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 486

You deserved it 3 936

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 989

You deserved it 6 548

Bae Caught Me Slippin

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 08:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me he took pictures of me while I was sleeping. Instead of it being all cute like you see on social media, there's me sleeping with his dirty-ass sock on my face and him smiling in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 227

You deserved it 2 274

Little bundle of fluff

By Anonymous - 23/09/2025 22:00

Today, I have concluded that my new girlfriend is a cat. She ignores me 99% of the day, nuzzles me when she does want attention, gets the zoomies randomly twice a day, her snoring legit sounds like she’s purring, and when she gets real mad, she scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 115

Sneaky

By Wow - 15/01/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, my cat tried to steal my burger. She was successful. She grabbed the patty with her teeth and pulled it right out of the burger. I was too dumbfounded to try and stop her. I have a suspicion that she is hungry and I forgot to feed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 1 084

Naughty boy

By Bad boy - 21/09/2023 06:00

Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 231

By geewhy - 26/12/2012 21:20 - United States - South Park

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 749

You deserved it 5 451

Like that scene in Alien!

By Orange cat behavior - 13/06/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I had to vacuum for the first time since getting my new kitten. I feared that he would freak out, so I took measures to make sure he would be comfortable, including a "safe room" with toys and a bed for him. As expected, he freaked out. But instead of going to his room, he jumped and grappled onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 177

Foxtrot Mike Lima

By Anonymous - 21/04/2023 18:00

Today, I went for an eye exam. The doctor asked me to read the chart on the wall and without even thinking about it, I started to call out the letters using the NATO phonetic alphabet. Nope, my time in the military has had absolutely no effect on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 206

Memory man

By Dad Fail - 07/02/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, my dad let me use his phone. Five minutes later, he had my mom call it because he thought he'd lost it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 127

By ohgodwhy - 10/02/2012 09:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 066

You deserved it 5 144

Awkward phrasing

By Anonymous - 09/01/2023 12:00

Today, a blind guy asked me out, but since I'm already in a relationship I politely declined, saying, "Sorry, I'm already seeing someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 261

Life hacks for kids

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter learned that if she rips a toy out of its package in front of a store employee, mommy will be forced to buy it. She now has two new toys today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 500

You deserved it 11 676

Baby girl

By Strawberry Shortcake - 30/11/2024 12:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, someone thought I was my boyfriend's daughter, instead of his girlfriend. I'm 4'11", he's 6'2", and this has happened four times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 149

Treats

By Anonymous - 10/06/2025 20:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I found that if I want my husband to take me out, all I have to do is say that I’m trying to lose weight. Anytime I bring up dieting or weight loss, suddenly he wants to take me to every restaurant in town and splurge on sweets. Part of me wants to lose weight but I also enjoy the snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 146

Stuck with it

By juice723 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Marblehead

Today, my friends started calling me "Soberman" because I recently gave up alcohol and have a Doberman. Normally, I wouldn't mind the nickname, but they call me Soberman everywhere. My new boss now thinks it's because I AM an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 3 252

Mix up

By Anonymous - 17/05/2026 15:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, my friend, her husband, their baby and I went to a baseball game. The lady next to us asked if her and his kid was mine and her husband's kids. She's 5 years older than me and a different race. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 72

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Birthday Family Miscellaneous Cute Relatable Friends Love My ex I need your advice Awkward Sex Intimacy NSFW Scary Technology Annoying Work Money Capitalism Embarrassing Education Divorce Health Sports Abuse Kids Hospital Wanker Addiction Management

The Top

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 715

You deserved it 47 510

Today, a man easily 30 years older than me said hi in a bar, but I didn’t engage. Apparently that meant "Please rub your junk on my leg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 561

You deserved it 289

Today, my son’s mother is dying. He told me he feels “nothing at all” because of it. The reason? “Sometimes she punished me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 209

Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 2 072

Today, my husband discovered our neighbour's fence was over our property line by 6 feet and kicked up a fuss about moving the fence. It turns out my husband can’t measure for shit. The fence is actually inside the neighbour's property, and he insisted we move it. There is now no room to park my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 463

Today, my girl bestie, who I secretly have a crush on, sent me a screenshot of my girlfriend tagging me on a Facebook post, saying, “So when were you planning on telling me you have a girlfriend?” I fucking told my girlfriend not to tag me on shit in social media but she did it anyway. Now my bestie won’t talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 645