Health Today, I found out I'm allergic to 16 different things. FML - FML

allergic - 03/04/2016 02:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out I'm allergic to 16 different things. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

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Today, I pretended to be on the phone to avoid small talk with someone from my building. I spoke loudly into the phone while walking by them. My phone rang in the middle of my fake conversation. FML

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Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

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Today, I was walking down the street and saw a man trip over a sign. He then grabbed his cane, started screaming, and began beating the sign. Apparently that didn't release his anger, so he began to beat the nearest car. I thought it was hilarious, until I noticed it was my car. FML

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Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML

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Today, I think my boyfriend is having an affair. With Joe Rogan. Why? Every time I mention something, he basically replies, "Joe Rogan said…" For example: Vaccines? "Joe Rogan said yada yada yada." Weed? "A guest on Joe Rogan's podcast said…" And so on. I HATE YOU, ROGAN. FML

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Today, while bored at work I was reading an article online about the local zoo and its animals. I received an email so quickly responded, but when signing off accidentally wrote "thanks hippo" instead of "thanks heaps". To a woman with a weight problem. Who also outranks me. FML

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