alyssajanae_

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Alyssajanae_'s favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 05:12 - Canada

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

agreeclassic 70 270

vote type 1 4 112

Thief

By anonymous - 28/10/2014 03:40 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

agreeclassic 29 901

vote type 1 39 866

By Anonymous - 17/06/2014 02:45 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML

agreeclassic 26 829

vote type 1 47 799

By Fat Arsed Lass - 01/06/2014 10:28 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

agreeclassic 38 474

vote type 1 9 503

By Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

agreeclassic 54 381

vote type 1 5 215