Fyrus

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Fyrus's favorite FMLs

By Optimist - 04/08/2009 08:26 - Canada

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, "I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and now I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

agreeclassic 41 846

vote type 1 25 979

By BeboKhaos - 04/08/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

agreeclassic 65 810

vote type 1 9 524

It's a mystery

By Anonymous - 04/08/2009 00:32 - United States

Today, I got my first speeding ticket. Looking it over, I was surprised to see that the officer listed my height accurately despite never having seen me standing. I complimented his uncanny ability and asked if it was part of police training. He then informed me that he read it on my license. FML

agreeclassic 8 059

vote type 1 61 249

The biggest lie

By dumb - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

agreeclassic 75 963

vote type 1 4 695

The force is stupid in this one

By dam01 - 02/08/2009 07:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says, 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my lightsaber'. FML

agreeclassic 55 584

vote type 1 10 466