Lilady

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Lilady's favorite FMLs

Mortifying

By whatashame - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

agreeclassic 22 561

vote type 1 80 767

By Orchard - 16/07/2013 17:25 - United States - Seminole

Today, I suddenly started having excruciating pain. My husband took me to the ER, where I waited for three hours in agony to be seen. By the time a doctor got to me, the pain had mostly gone, but it was found to be a kidney stone. I was told, "Next time, don't wait so long." Really? FML

agreeclassic 49 712

vote type 1 3 042

Orchard app_comment_confession_title

Orchard 33

Wednesday 17 July 2013 0:48

Hi, this is the OP. I told them in triage with tears streaming down my face that I thought it was a kidney stone. I was in so much pain I could barely fill out the forms. There were only a couple of possibilities as to the source of pain to begin with since the pain was all down my left flank and upper left quadrant. I have medical training so I wasn't too shocked to find out it was a kidney stone. What was shocking was they thought I was faking to get a drug fix, put me on the back burner, then acted like it was somehow my fault for not being seen sooner so they could help manage the pain.

By thanksdoc - 24/06/2013 22:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

agreeclassic 34 950

vote type 1 6 391

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thanksdoc 3

Tuesday 25 June 2013 19:55

Yes, my psychiatrist is a boss. She did the impression spot on without looking up from her notes, which was hilarious. Woopwoopwoopwooooop

By mysea8679 - 12/06/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, whilst trying on wedding dresses with my mom, she told me that I looked fat and awful in the dress I liked. When I told her how hurtful she was being, she told me that I should be grateful that she told me what she thought instead of laughing at me behind my back. FML

agreeclassic 48 488

vote type 1 7 494

By Annonymous_Dad - 01/05/2013 23:22 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

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Annonymous_Dad 4

Thursday 2 May 2013 15:05

My dog IS trained. Generally, he just needs to be told "heel" or "quiet" and he obeys. However, ever since the baby has come home ( 3 weeks) hes gone into super protective mode. A car door slams and hes "killer guard dog". Its getting ridiculous and I do get exasperated when it happens multiple times within a half hour. He DOES listen when I yell, because its not something I have ever done with him. Afterwards, however, we go through the "heel" command and give treats. He just hasnt settled down yet! Maybe Ill just start yelling "Heel Killer!!" ( totally kidding, calm down, no more yelling for me)