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Smash the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 25/11/2025 03:00

Today, I explained to my teenage daughter that enough was enough and she needed to start shaving her armpits again, stating it was unladylike and unsanitary. Her only response was, "If it's so unsanitary, why don't you make my brother do it?" I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 1 219

Freaky

By death bed - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 737

You deserved it 2 558

All dungeon, no dragon

By +1 staff of ENDLESS TALKING - 27/12/2025 00:00

Today, I went to a public tabletop RPG session, excited to finally try it out. It was full of a bunch of fucking theater kids that wanted to be friends with everything and not fight. Four interminable hours later, I finally escaped from the Chamber of Boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 326

I don't want to know

By Anonymous - 13/01/2026 20:00

Today, I overheard my parents talking. It went something like “Walk it off, you’ll be fine”, “I will not be fine, it’s leaking”, “Well sit on a towel then”, “A man should not squish when he sits”, “Remember that next time you think about doing it to me.” I dread to think what was leaking out of my dad, or where. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 55

Help wanted

By What do I do? - 17/01/2026 09:00

Today, my husband dropped a bombshell when he served me divorce papers and a set of tests proving that our sons (7 and 9 years-old) are not his. I'm alone at home, scared shitless, and my poor kids don't understand where their dad is. I can't take them to their bio dad, since he died four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 1 314

Competitive

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 22:00

Today, my husband has such a fragile ego that he secretly visited an escape room five times in the two months before 15 of us went as a group, all so that he would know all the answers in advance and impress everyone. He’d have managed it too, except he paid with our credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 70

It's not what you think

By Shopper - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 549

You deserved it 7 845

Singed

By Bernice - 26/01/2025 15:00 - Canada

Today, I was showing my grandson how to blow out the candles on his birthday cake. I got a little too close and set my hair on fire. The candles remained lit but my grandson was too terrified to go near them after the whole ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 403

Where everybody knows your name…

By Anonymous - 28/01/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 642

No plan B

By Marie - 07/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my phone randomly stopped working and I have three phone interviews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 67

"Your text here"

By Rerere - 24/02/2025 03:00 - Australia

Today, I gave my friend what I thought was the perfect birthday gift, a personalized mug with her favourite quote. When she opened it, she looked confused so I explained. Then she said, "I’ve never ever said that." I realized I'd printed a quote from a completely different friend. I awkwardly told her, “Well, now you have something new to say!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 594

Close knit

By Anonymous - 01/03/2025 09:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt drunkenly confessed that she had once dated my dad in high school. Everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t laugh. I just stared at her for 10 minutes, processing how our family tree had now become a circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 292

Who wants to be a millionaire?

By Not telling you in a million years - 03/03/2025 03:00 - Canada

Today, I had just sat down and taken a dump in a public restroom when I realized there was no toilet paper. I tried to discreetly call for help, but no one heard me. My only option was to text a friend and have them bring me some. The worst part? My friend ended up texting me, "You called for backup?" as I waited in humiliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 283

Creepy crawly

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend misplaced her Blue Baboon Tarantula (aka Bastard Biting Thing) so I told her I wasn’t setting foot in her flat again until she found it. I then proceeded to find it myself, when I put on my motorcycle helmet. I can still feel its legs on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 98

Never going outside again

By Anonymous - 29/03/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I got back home after I decided on a whim to embark on a solo adventure in the Australian Outback. My truck got stranded due to rising floodwaters, and I was stuck for days without communication. Rescue finally came, but now I'm reconsidering any solo further trips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 444

Distant

By Anonymous - 31/03/2025 15:00 - Germany

Today, my husband spoke enthusiastically about his day to my sister-in-law, who doesn't care about us or our family, and who I hate due to it. While I've been trying to get him to talk, ask him questions, and share about his day for years now, the most response I get is, "Leave me alone with my coffee" or literal snores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 120

Oh hi!

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I was at a theme park with an old friend. We were standing in line when she reached into my shorts and pulled my thong so high it was almost to my shoulders. It would’ve been fine if I didn’t see my boss behind us in line who saw the whole thing. She waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 121

Overzealous Fitbit

By Annoyed - 05/04/2025 20:00 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I decided to try a new fitness tracker. After walking around all day, I looked at my app to check how many steps I’d taken, only to realize the tracker had counted every time I flailed my arms in frustration trying to figure out how to set it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 324

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the shower, oblivious to the outside world, when four police officers who had apparently been banging at my door, entered by force. They were doing a bust on a weed farm and got the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 079

You deserved it 3 654

Bring headphone jacks back on all smartphones!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2025 03:00 - Netherlands - The Hague

Today, I bought new earphones for my phone so I could finally listen to music again. Not an hour later I broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 315

Slick

By Anonymous - 19/04/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I had a meeting with my team, and at the end, we were all excited about a new project. I tried to be casual and give one of my coworkers a high-five, but he didn’t see me and started walking away. I awkwardly high-fived myself while hoping anyone else didn't see me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 119

Bonus dilemma

By Conflicted - 23/04/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she got a hefty bonus at work and will pay off my credit card debt. I was gonna break up with her because I’d been working on resolving things with my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 976

Cat fight

By Mishka - 03/05/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, we got a new kitten, and my older cat is not happy. I just learned that my fiance doesn't interfere when they fight. He says watching my old fat cat chase the kitten is the funniest thing he's seen all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 438

Where am I?

By rmo1776 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 140

You deserved it 49 431

Time sensitive

By Landin - 12/05/2025 16:00 - United States - Vernal

Today, my girlfriend left me at 11pm after leading me on for 5 months, all because she lost interest. I wasted so much time, money, and emotions on her, and never received them from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 280

Busted

By Anonymous - 18/05/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss caught me coming to work late. I panicked and told him I’d been there all day. He knows I do a lot of editing for Wikipedia, so he actually found my publicly listed edits showing I’d been publishing edits from my normal account, i.e. my home PC, when I should have been at work. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 929

Language, Timothy

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 16:00 - United States - New York

Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 70

Chill out zone

By Gassy Patient - 06/06/2025 14:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 150

Scammers

By insurance lies - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 030

You deserved it 4 001

Where did you learn that one?

By Kilamo - 19/06/2025 09:00 - France - Paris

Today, I tried to impress a French student by saying “Bonjour!” but instead said “Bordel!” which means “Brothel.” She laughed, and so did every one of the french students around us. My cultural street cred is officially dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 490

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The Top

Today, I went to the new Walmart to buy a space heater. After dodging cones in the parking lot and trying to open several doors while employees looked on, I checked the sign, which said "24 hours." I then realized it stated that the grand opening is tomorrow. I'm now sitting in my apartment, shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 571

You deserved it 26 504

Today, I cleaned up my brother's room, since he's moved out. Under the bed I found a Doritos bag full of used condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 208

You deserved it 7 056

Today, I went to check my grade, which was posted for an essay for my comp 1 class. I got a zero. I was devastated only to find out I never actually clicked the submit document button. My grade dropped 20 points. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 998

You deserved it 2 532

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 330

You deserved it 6 080

Today, my body has decided that sleeping past 4 a.m. is strange idea and should be resisted. It is also of the opinion that any duration of sleep less than 10 hours per night constitutes a lack thereof, which deserves physical signs of tiredness, like looking several years older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 135

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 643

You deserved it 16 910