The Top

OP here. This happened a few years ago. She's like 28 and has loose wires in her brain. I ended up quitting that job. Not because of her. I haven't seen her since.

Chillin'

By lacy - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Louisville

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 767

You deserved it 10 667

By Anonymous - 10/07/2016 16:33

Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell them some of my Adderall. I only just transferred here and have never mentioned my ADHD or the Adderall I take for it to anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 484

You deserved it 951

By samaris - 08/07/2016 21:19

Today, 5 months after doing a shoot for a stock photo site, someone finally used one of my photos. In an article about meth abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 342

You deserved it 1 203

By saddude - 04/03/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 369

You deserved it 113 645

By Anonymous - 29/06/2016 12:24 - United States - Houston

Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 425

You deserved it 1 856

Parting shit

By smellymcgee - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Farmington

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 943

You deserved it 889

By Toloveornottolove - 12/06/2016 16:08 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 223

You deserved it 1 128

By gross - 11/06/2016 07:56 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at 19 years of age, I finally saw a nude girl in real life. Specifically, my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 822

You deserved it 2 094

By Kotlopou - 10/04/2018 19:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was incredibly bored during a long bus journey, so I played chess against my e-book reader. On the lowest difficulty. I lost 27 times in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 434

You deserved it 950

By SadlySally - 01/06/2016 17:54 - United States - Memphis

Today, I think I met the one. I had the best date ever. We played mini golf and talked about all the things we had in common. After sharing a kiss, I said goodbye, with the promise to meet up again. Too bad he forgot to mention he was moving to Texas the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 350

You deserved it 724

By AreYouSerious - 27/08/2009 00:57 - United States

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 848

You deserved it 3 671

Culture clash

By lmaofuck - 26/05/2016 01:06 - United States - Westerville

Today, I had a guest at my house. I stood up to shake her hand and kiss her on both cheeks, which is common in my culture. When she was kissing my cheeks, I went the opposite way from her and I ended up kissing her on the lips instead. Her eyes went big and I ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 636

You deserved it 1 413

By Kilamo - 14/05/2018 20:30

Today, I told my mom I had 73 cents in my checking account. She gave me a penny and told me I had 74 cents and it was even now. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 487

You deserved it 905

By xoxo_retailslave420_xoxo - 21/05/2016 12:57 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 764

You deserved it 1 160

Gratitude

By korbo7 - 17/05/2016 03:26 - United States - Grand Island

Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 648

You deserved it 1 434

By aggghghgh - 14/05/2016 08:51

Today, I found out my whole family has been mistakenly using the same toothbrush for over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 555

You deserved it 2 124

Shortage

By WaterNeeded - 21/06/2018 20:30

Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 914

You deserved it 439

By SureDoesMakeAGirlFeelGood - 13/04/2016 01:45 - Canada - Paradise

Today, I found out that my husband has more topless pictures of his ex on his computer than he does of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 508

You deserved it 4 502

Red state

By piss off - 08/04/2016 22:05 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked, "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 842

You deserved it 3 219

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 13:25 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 599

You deserved it 1 829

By princess - 08/09/2018 13:00

Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 998

You deserved it 384

That stings

By Anonymous - 11/09/2018 03:30

Today, after 20 years together and 9 years of marriage, I found out that my husband has been having an affair with my cousin for 6 years. The same cousin who came over every Friday. Who he wanted to be godmother to our 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 694

You deserved it 255

By billjoebob424 - 19/03/2016 01:18 - Canada - Erin

Today, I walked in on my younger cousin trying to find Minecraft porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 652

You deserved it 1 794

Roleplay

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 12:36 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 124

You deserved it 20 598

By rejected Lonely heart - 12/10/2018 04:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, my wife and I finally had the house to ourselves as the kids are away. With all the buildup of a date night after the troubles we've been having, I thought this was the chance to get us back on track. She's asleep on the sofa at 8:30pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 246

You deserved it 405

By jaimpastaggle - 06/10/2016 14:24 - France

Today, after spending over two hours cleaning my kitchen from top to bottom, my 5-year-old then runs in, yells, “Snowstorm!” and throws a bag of flour all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 122

You deserved it 1 318

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 512

You deserved it 52 277

Today, I finally received my new computer in the mail. I was so excited, I kissed the box. The truck driver definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 070

You deserved it 2 278

Today, I've been calling my girlfriend by her nickname for so long, I had to reactivate my Facebook account to find her real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 282

You deserved it 26 827

Today, I found out the job temp agency that got me my new job still hasn't setup my orientation from two weeks ago. When I called the actual job to speak to the supervisor, they told me they had never heard of me. I turned down two other job offers, paying slightly better, because this was my dream job getting into healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 145

Today, my 12 year-old brother tried doing laundry for the first time and ruined all my clothes with bleach. When my dad drove him to Walmart to buy replacement clothes for me, he bought me tighty whities. We both have worn boxers our whole lives. My dad won't return them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 356

Today, a former friend of mine, with whom I viciously cut ties a few months ago after I found out she's a narcissist, was one of very few people to wish me a happy birthday. Thanks, but no thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 439