The Top

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By lovedoesnotexist - 24/09/2015 11:52 - Belgium

Today, my long-term girlfriend broke up with me because my hair "falls out" and I "will definitely be bald soon", even though it's not that bad. The same girl who I supported through her chemotherapy and gave her promises that I would stay with her no matter how she looked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 568

You deserved it 1 985

By Anonymous - 23/10/2016 10:12 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I finished a 700-page book for my law exam. It was the wrong book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 648

You deserved it 4 671

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 705

You deserved it 28 643

By mc_dreamy - 21/08/2010 16:49 - United States

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 679

You deserved it 16 057

By Dansonn - 17/03/2009 03:17 - United States

Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, "F*** you, Jackson." I'm Tyler. Jackson is my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 880

You deserved it 10 633

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 04:17 - United States - Gilroy

Today, I was heading out for my flight to Australia. I'd put a padlock on my luggage to keep my wallet and passport safe, only to realize way too late that I'd left the key at home. I couldn't get at my passport and ended up missing my flight and my whole vacation along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 308

You deserved it 9 552

Hushhhh

By Anonymous - 15/07/2016 16:14 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 789

You deserved it 3 114

Catfished

By TooGulible - 12/07/2016 20:08 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I was at work at an ice cream shop when a hot guy came in and started chatting me up. I got him his ice cream and as I handed it to him, he mentioned that I was cute and walked away. Then I realised he hadn't paid for the ice cream, and I didn't even get a date out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 338

You deserved it 3 816

Seventh heaven

By Egyptian ToyBoy - 17/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable, aggressive orgasm that I'd be celebrating my efforts, if only in the process she hadn't knocked over my new expensive laptop, which then split in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 929

You deserved it 490

By Anonymous - 02/03/2018 19:00

Today, I was put on academic suspension only to find out my professor entered my grade wrong. I lost my financial aid and have to explain to my parents why I’m not in college anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 595

You deserved it 297

Superanty Man

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 03:30

Today, I met my father-in-law for the first time. He went on a big rant how men are superior intellects and women contribute nothing to society. Ironic, as it took me, a woman, 30 seconds to notice it's biologically impossible for him to be my husband's father. After 33 years, both he and my husband haven't figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 243

By Dominique Richards - 20/02/2018 19:00

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. When I woke up I found out they pulled the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 817

You deserved it 222

Early show

By Anonymous - 26/01/2020 20:00

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 598

You deserved it 535

By TheComedyAudio - 06/04/2018 01:30

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 782

You deserved it 342

By Fuck's sake! - 25/04/2016 01:34 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 272

You deserved it 27 402

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 20:30

Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 789

You deserved it 455

You rang?

By thathurt500x - 26/06/2020 20:08

Today, my boyfriend's tooth got caught on my nipple ring and ripped it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 023

You deserved it 589

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 077

You deserved it 1 931

By Disturbed son - 16/09/2018 01:30

Today, my mother sent a picture that was meant for her husband. I cannot unsee what I have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 103

You deserved it 204

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 272

You deserved it 4 515

Three kids?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 203

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 14:19 - United States - Abington

Today, my father used my birth certificate as a beer coaster. Accident or not, it pretty much perfectly sums up our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 192

You deserved it 1 468

By Anonymous - 11/07/2019 00:03

Today, the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was a child is over to have coffee with my mother. She says that it's OK, because God wouldn't want her to turn away someone who has no family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 205

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 05:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 212

You deserved it 1 310

No kinkshaming, but…

By Anonymous - 04/12/2018 15:00 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I realized that my husband's preferred sexual activities not only don't require me to take off my clothes, but go much better for him when I don't. He doesn't get why this makes me self-conscious about getting naked in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 268

You deserved it 455

By notanightowlanymore - 05/01/2016 17:44 - United States - Clyde

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 335

You deserved it 2 136

Lookin' good

By Sleeping Beauty - 19/12/2015 19:20 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 083

You deserved it 3 782

By Patiently Watching - 04/03/2017 20:00

Today, after three university degrees and a decade of avoiding social media in order to make intelligent use of my time online, I discovered that giraffes are addictively mesmerizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 305

You deserved it 1 373

By NeoDepressed - 31/03/2019 12:00 - Czech Republic

Today, my parents screamed at me for cutting my wrists. They asked me if I wanted a therapist. I said that I didn't know. Then my mom said, "But wait, it's going to cost a lot of money!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274

You deserved it 652

Christmas motivation?

By runfattyrun - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I got a gym membership for Christmas, from 3 different people. I think my family's trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 795

You deserved it 1 423

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The Top

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 979

You deserved it 4 327

Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 839

You deserved it 4 448

Today, I caught my brother masturbating into my underwear. Again. Our parents punished him, again, but I can guarantee he’ll carry on doing it anyway. Why can’t I afford my own house yet? I need to move out away from this creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 232

Today, under the Northern Lights of the Arctic Circle, I presented my girlfriend with an engagement ring and asked her if she would become my wife. She said, "I can’t, I have mittens." FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 95

Today, my mom realized that the "door" part in "screen door" doesn't block sound when she began to talk to our neighbours about how much of a failure I am. I heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 554

You deserved it 1 211

Today, I woke up, and I could see perfectly. Somehow, during the night, my eyes magically became 20/20. I was overjoyed, until I realized I'd fallen asleep with my glasses on. My eyes are still trash, and I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 598