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By fuckmyparents - 25/01/2019 00:00

Today, the school I applied to work for told me they were not going to schedule an interview. Why? Because they think my papers and name are fake. My name is Seymour Skinner. I’m not joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 11/03/2017 03:52 - United States

Today, while using the restroom, a little girl crawled under my stall door. She stared at me, then yelled, "Someone's in here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 451

You deserved it 555

MidnightMusic53 tells us more.

MidnightMusic53 37

Friday 10 March 2017 12:40

Yay, I finally got an FML published! No idea how it ended up under anonymous, but so glad anyway. I have the "pleasure" of working at Wal-Mart. I was using the restroom on my break, when suddenly, a random child appears. No idea how old she was, or why her mother couldn't be bothered to follow her, she was way too young to be alone. I started to ask her not to crawl under the door but she was in and out.

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 11:40 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend canceled our date last-minute. He claimed he had no time because he had to iron his towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 847

You deserved it 2 289

By Anonymous - 28/03/2017 03:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was sitting in my last class of the day, after being on campus for 8 hours, when I glanced down and noticed I was wearing two different colored flip flops. I'd given two class presentations and had a meeting with my conducting professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 342

You deserved it 1 774

Onigori tells us more.

Onigori 14

Tuesday 28 March 2017 6:29

Hi there, OP here. The meeting was impromptu and sprung on me last minute, so I had no control over that. As for the presentations, they weren't huge ones so I wasn't expected to dress up at all, but I would have liked to at least wear matching shoes.

By Brookie Bear - 04/04/2017 20:00

Today, I received a Saturday detention because the assignment I'd handed in had different handwriting. I've been practicing my handwriting skills for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 126

You deserved it 447

By jellenwood - 07/11/2015 13:12 - United States - Kerrville

Today, I got married. The minister pronounced us husband and wife using our first names. Except he used my husband's ex-wife's name. I happened to glance at my mother-in-law who was almost in tears from laughing so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 720

You deserved it 1 720

jellenwood tells us more.

jellenwood 35

Sunday 8 November 2015 12:01

OP here! So, this was several years ago. Apparently his family didn't want want him to marry me and never wanted him to divorce his first wife. His father is the one who performed the wedding. He called me the wrong name several times during the ceremony. I don't know if he did it on purpose or not. Friends later tell me it wasn't just his mother that was laughing but many members of his family but I just couldn't hear them. H

By s - 09/12/2016 02:38

Today, I parked in a "Disabled" space. A woman and her kids comes yelling at me about how I don't look disabled and I was just being selfish. I roll my pants up to reveal two prosthetic legs. She then yells at me that I should have warned her before showing my legs since it could scare her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 062

You deserved it 671

By Anonymous - 31/05/2017 21:00 - Ecuador

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend of three months. I only wish I had known that his father had died just a few hours earlier that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 568

You deserved it 854

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - 26/08/2015 08:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had my daughter babysit her two-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 921

You deserved it 2 996

What the frick?

By cuckoo - 22/08/2015 03:59 - United States - Mobile

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when I saw my best friend. I jokingly did a double-take and said I didn't recognize him with his clothes on. We laughed, talked a bit, then went our separate ways. My girlfriend later dumped me, claiming I'm blatantly gay and cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 576

You deserved it 4 116

By anonymous - 20/09/2016 22:49 - United States - Avon

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 386

You deserved it 12 326

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 15:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 840

You deserved it 11 900

By why.mom - 21/08/2019 00:01

Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 219

You deserved it 175

By nobodywasthere - 12/09/2017 01:30

Today, I rushed onto the metro to get to work. I found there were no seats left and asked a perfectly healthy guy to let me sit in the handicap spot. He refused to because "being tired" was a handicap characteristic. I have one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 723

You deserved it 286

By katiebug - 12/07/2016 02:27 - United States - Topeka

Today, I was trying to get a good night's sleep before the huge exam tomorrow, which I'm extremely anxious about. The SAME night my neighbor below me is having a home birth. It lasted NINE HOURS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 280

You deserved it 1 117

By helprelou - 29/06/2016 22:12 - France - La Chevroli?re

Today, a guy who likes me a little too much, and who I asked to tone his advances down a little, sent me a message on Twitter, Facebook and by text message to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 430

You deserved it 1 047

Saved

By Anonymous - 24/06/2016 21:35 - United States - Middleboro

Today, my daughter posted a poem on Facebook about how her father and I abused her for years. It's a complete lie and an obvious attempt to impress her boyfriend, whom she thanked for "rescuing" her. I've received several hateful messages already, along with threats to report me to CPS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 179

You deserved it 1 138

Can't talk right now

By Anonymous - 03/07/2021 08:01 - Canada

Today, while I was getting a blowjob from my girlfriend in the shower, my mom stood outside the door the whole time, asking me about my day. My girlfriend never stopped going, and my mom, who was unaware that my girl was with me in the shower, is now getting me tested for speech impairment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 690

Cooked and bombed

By unlucky - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went to a party. After asking several people about the ingredients in a cake, I took one bite… and ended up in the hospital with a severe reaction to the nuts that "definitely weren't" in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 356

You deserved it 1 030

Greasy

By Stank - 06/05/2018 19:00

Today, my husband is going on his fifth consecutive day without a shower. He’s been working 16-hour shifts, and though I'm empathetic to his exhaustion, his foul body odor has overtaken the bedroom, and his excretions have discolored his side of the bed. I fear the worst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 344

You deserved it 403

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 19:47 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 086

You deserved it 2 092

Be careful what you wish for

By HolyRavioli - 21/03/2016 17:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I sat at work for eight hours daydreaming about the homemade four-cheese ravioli I would come home to after spending three hours making it from scratch the night before. When I finally got home and heated the ravioli, I dropped it all over my feet, giving me second degree burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 348

You deserved it 2 780

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 06:58 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 921

You deserved it 3 147

I'm awake

By meh beard - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 926

You deserved it 1 645

By Haitwun - 14/12/2015 07:29 - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 213

You deserved it 2 637

By IwishIwashigh - 01/03/2017 14:00

Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 529

You deserved it 7 377

By Anonymous - 13/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked a table at a restaurant if there's anything I could get out of their way and they replied, "Yeah, you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 249

You deserved it 246

By Growlithe1395 - 11/03/2017 16:00

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 647

You deserved it 643

Haute cuisine

By mynameissecretlyjeff - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother put a mac-n-cheese cup in the microwave without any water. My entire house smells like burned cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 736

You deserved it 448

By CalebLawrence - 22/10/2015 23:16 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had such a big hiccup that I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 319

You deserved it 2 270

CalebLawrence tells us more.

CalebLawrence 25

Tuesday 27 October 2015 6:31

OP here, thank you all for your concerns! I did injure myself, as some of you may of been wondering. As my tumble down the stairs began to slow down, I landed on my wrist funnily, breaking it. On the bright side my hiccups did go away! My family and I are going to remember this moment for awhile :). Again, thanks for the comments!