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By Crabby - 30/03/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Clitheroe

Spicy

Today, I had to face up to telling the cute guy I just split up with that I have also probably given him pubic lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 425

You deserved it 6 325

By notyourmummy - 12/11/2015 09:09 - United Kingdom - Ryde

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 162

You deserved it 3 465

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 12:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 960

You deserved it 3 990

By Kate - 21/06/2017 02:00

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 444

You deserved it 390

By Alice - 30/08/2015 12:13 - United States - Logan

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 604

You deserved it 3 297

By Eric John Los - 29/01/2018 13:00 - United States - Haydenville

Today, I wore a coat that was too tight. The button gave way and quickly flew about ten feet to hit my very attractive new coworker right in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 872

You deserved it 982

Fact of scratching

By Anonymous - 24/01/2020 14:00

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 427

You deserved it 310

By Austin - 17/06/2016 05:57 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, I fell down the stairs of my apartment building because I thought my cat was a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 651

You deserved it 4 055

By Kitten - 06/09/2018 03:30

Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 410

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 28/02/2016 11:06 - United States - Maryville

Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 518

You deserved it 1 359

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 13:30

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 917

You deserved it 676

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 274

You deserved it 8 513

Slashing Prices Left and Right!

By Charity - 20/03/2017 17:00 - United States

Today, I tutored a kid for two hours, for $25 an hour. When it came time for them to pay, my mother told the kid's parents that they could give me ten bucks for the whole thing. She does this a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 176

You deserved it 778

That escalated quickly

By Belgian girl - 22/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Lewes

Spicy

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 403

You deserved it 722

By Anonymous - 30/03/2017 20:00

Today, I finally told the girl I'm in love with how I've felt ever since we first met six years ago. She let me know that not only does she not feel the same way, she's always considered me a creep and only ever hung out with me because of our mutual friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 620

You deserved it 1 017

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions

By Anonymous - 22/04/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my best female friend got dumped. Seeing how I was alone when I got dumped, I didn't want her to feel the same, so I was nice to her and tried to help her as much as I could. I've now been getting constant messages from our mutual friends, telling me to stop hitting on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 010

You deserved it 541

By Anonymous - 24/04/2017 22:00

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 808

You deserved it 245

What did I miss?

By rosie21030 - 24/07/2017 10:33 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I was the bridesmaid for my dad and stepmum's wedding. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped and fell over my high heels, hit my head on the armrest of a wooden chair on the way down, then passed out. I now have a concussion and a broken ankle. The wedding went on without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 067

You deserved it 775

By starving_freelancer_forever - 18/09/2017 16:00

Today, I found out the works council won't let the company offer me the job for which I was the only applicant because the council requires 3 years experience with the company. I've only been here for 2 years, 10 months, and 26 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 874

You deserved it 226

By beybmoo - 25/10/2017 08:48 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a day before my birthday, I'm submitting my unplanned resignation after receiving an applicant's phone call inquiring about my position. Because yep, there was already an ad for an opening in my position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 966

You deserved it 483

beybmoo tells us more.

beybmoo 15

Tuesday 3 October 2017 1:36

Wow this is my first FML that got published! Thanks for giving it a chance! I saw a few of you said I might have jumped the gun on this one. I might have but not before considering that there aren't any other position to be promoted to. It's a tiny company of 5. And there weren't anymore room or budget or busy enough for an additional staff. I had 2 managers & I didn't get along with 1 of them, and the other's (which I got along & like) often overseas. So I can guess this descision to hire a replacement is more with the manager who I didn't get along with. I had prior bad experience with a former employer who always threatened and actually went as far as advertising for a replacement when any staff's performance slipped so I'm quite sensitive about these stuff. On the upside, I didn't have to serve the 1 month notice and I actually got paid almost 2 weeks extra on top of a full month's salary. And I found another job pretty fast so!

By nes0385 - 27/08/2016 16:06 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after months of eating lunch with my best friend, going to Barnes and Noble, and having to poop while I was there, I realized I've trained myself to have to poop every single time I step into a Barnes and Noble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 888

You deserved it 2 064

nes0385 tells us more.

nes0385 5

Monday 29 August 2016 19:13

OP here! I so didn't think this was going to make it! But I loved reading all your comments! And yes I do read FML while I'm doing my business at Barnes and Noble lol

Insta-Creep

By wilmaa - 15/10/2017 17:15 - Canada

Today, a guy tried a pick-up line on me and followed me into a nearby mall. He left me after 10 minutes, but later sent me a request on Instagram. I never gave him my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 858

You deserved it 259

Nice mental image

By Anonymous - 09/08/2016 00:04

Spicy

Today, my 12-year-old sister, who sometimes has difficulty coming up with the right words while speaking, used the word "intercourse" to replace "encounter". She was joking to my dad that she, "had an 'intercourse' with Bob Dylan." I can't get the image out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 986

You deserved it 1 349

By sayno2mermaids - 04/08/2016 02:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I set my beer on the windowsill while I made space for it on the table. Suddenly, the wind knocked the window open. Into my beer. Into a box of expensive electronics. It was the last beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 304

You deserved it 3 244

Science teacher

By Anonymous - 13/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 259

By muscalata - 20/07/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 522

You deserved it 804

Baby steps

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 13:00

Today, my class got baby dolls for the week to teach us how to be good parents. After school, I went to the store with my mom with the baby doll. When I got home, I realized that I left the baby doll in a shopping cart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 2 849

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 15:48 - United States - Nashville

Spicy

Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 048

You deserved it 4 730

By notagoodtime - 06/02/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 024

You deserved it 5 150

By fuckoffgramps - 24/01/2016 17:10 - United States - New Freedom

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 601

You deserved it 2 271

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The Top

The Top

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 632

You deserved it 2 182

Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 394

Today, my future mother-in-law gave me advice on life. One piece of advice was that I should leave her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 720

You deserved it 2 730

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 266

You deserved it 61 961

Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 422

You deserved it 556

Today, I was supposed to bury my childhood dog at my mother's friend's place. I had to wake up at 5 a.m., spent two hours on the bus to be there in time, only for him to tell me that he'd actually buried my dog yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 82