New year's day, Wanker and Intimacy: Wanking in the New Year - FML

Wanking in the New Year

By Lonesome - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bossier City

Spicy

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

agreeclassic 54 830

vote type 1 13 325

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Lonely hearts

By Lena - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, my life became a lot more depressing. A while ago, some friends and I founded a "Forever Alone" club, because all of us were single at that time. I'm now the only member left. FML

agreeclassic 26 738

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By myusofwe - 06/02/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Spicy

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

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Happy New Leg

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

agreeclassic 43 572

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By Anonymous - 17/06/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML

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Stranger danger

By shit - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML

agreeclassic 17 730

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Sounds promising

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

agreeclassic 28 781

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Courtesy visit

By hottytodday - 12/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxford

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML

agreeclassic 2 547

vote type 1 371

What's your resolutions?

By why? - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Hackensack

Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML

agreeclassic 31 348

vote type 1 2 505

I hate myself

By trixanne - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

agreeclassic 28 732

vote type 1 3 964

Piss poor prank

By peedonme - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

agreeclassic 32 288

vote type 1 2 955

Next

TOP COMMENTS

junkman6 22

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:31

Life's all about having goals right?

Llamacod 11

Wednesday 1 January 2014 18:31

The best way to start out any New Years is with an ******

Comments

omgfmlddb 8

Friday 30 May 2014 15:06

I'm 100% sure you're my ex or his friend.. Sounds like something they'd do -.-

worldclassrager 39

Wednesday 20 August 2014 11:51

Did you get it? If so then you can maybe celebrate with another drink

Joshnona 14

Wednesday 9 September 2015 22:28

This is the realest fml

growup29 3

Saturday 11 February 2017 2:33

wow.. if you're stupid enough to share this then you are pathetic...

growup29 3

Saturday 11 February 2017 2:34

h

bigdaddyeric 35

Monday 1 January 2018 6:38

Totally something I have done in my youth, including crossing state lines while driving a UPS type truck over a bridge where the state divided in the middle of the river.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Tuesday 2 January 2018 1:36

Here COMES the New Year!

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

agreeclassic 42 008

vote type 1 4 664

Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML

agreeclassic 30 731

vote type 1 5 462

Today, I moved into a new apartment. While moving boxes, I ran into my supervisor from work. Guess who lives across the hall. FML

agreeclassic 13 163

vote type 1 942

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

agreeclassic 51 020

vote type 1 6 245

Today, I'm an adjudicator for our school's debate team, collectively I have over 20 years experience both as a debater and as an adjudicator, and yet I have no idea how my daughter manages to convince me she deserves an extra dessert and to stay up an hour past bedtime every single day. FML

agreeclassic 293

vote type 1 1 001

Today, my friend, who is gay, announced that he's getting married. I implored him to not invite my parents and (especially) my grandma, for reasons that I'm sure you can figure out, but he did anyway. Long story short, he's inconsolable. What excellent parents I have. FML

agreeclassic 531

vote type 1 138