Health Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate...

Anonymous - 30/05/2015 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

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St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! …

Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

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McGastric

Mc'xplosive - 09/10/2019 04:00

Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML

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Healthy lifestyle tips

middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

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sushi hater - 13/03/2011 18:55 - United States

Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML

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Toilet training

Anonymous - 22/04/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

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Let it all out

Vomitron - 02/04/2021 00:30

Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML

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Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

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shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

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sendhelp - 03/08/2015 05:31 - United States - Provo

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

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Enough with the puns

fuckmuppet - 27/05/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

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james98e 15

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:17

Ah the legendary 'ring of fire'

jadeleepenguin 29

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:26

Did you try the Pu Pu Platter?

james98e 15

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:17

Ah the legendary 'ring of fire'

eightbithero 12

Monday 1 June 2015 22:59

I fell into a burning ring of fire, I went down down down as the flames when higher! And it burned burned burned, the ring of fire! The ring of fire!

Scryll 17

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:18

Time to spend the rest of the day nursing your devastated bunghole

fsomelife 26

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:22

Was this the cause or the effect in the culinary experience?

sturschaedel 27

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:25

What the duck did you eat?!

Welshite 39

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:27

Daffy Duck, obviously. He apparently took offense to being roasted and eaten. No one eats Daffy Duck and gets away with it.

Laurieannuk 6

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:25

Next time, cut out the middleman and chuck it straight down the toilet!

Theglc20 27

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:25

Let's get this out the way early.... 'what a shitty situation!'

DFMLharsh 20

Sunday 31 May 2015 15:58

Nice try "cool" boy.

jadeleepenguin 29

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:26

Did you try the Pu Pu Platter?

sonasonic 34

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:38

He did, 3 full hours of it.

abNormal62 23

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:32

Time sharing new cuisine can be challenging, especially when saying good bye takes longer than saying hello did

Ramos808 29

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:32

Lol, what did you eat?

pooldude 24

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:40

did u eat Indian food by any chance? And i can make this joke, because i am Indian.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, at my sister's wedding, I went to the very back of the crowd of women waiting to catch the bouquet. Not only did I end up catching it, I was accosted by a crazy chick who ripped it out of my hands, screaming at me in Italian. I later found out she was already engaged. FML

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Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML

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Today, I was late for a meeting. The meeting hall door was made of glass, and it said pull, but in my rush, I pushed the door so hard that it shattered into small pieces. FML

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Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

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Today, my fiancé finally went to a therapy session with me because of the difficult circumstances we are facing. Afterwards, he shouted at me for "talking to someone about our problems". I told him that's kind of the point of therapy. Now he's sulking. FML

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Today, I found out that my best friend, the love of my life, is no longer engaged. He's now married. I wasn't invited. FML

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