Intimacy: Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny,...

By idrathernotgiveoutmyname - 31/01/2012 02:50 - Canada

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

agreeclassic 29 947

vote type 1 8 899

The rhythm of the fight
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By Me - 31/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

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By MoxyR12 - 24/06/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

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By automaticfail_00 - 17/06/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

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By DreeStahr - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

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By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

agreeclassic 39 415

vote type 1 17 930

By JennyAndrews - 05/12/2009 08:44 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

agreeclassic 15 178

vote type 1 31 132

By lonelyandbored - 31/05/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML

agreeclassic 44 439

vote type 1 4 271

syki 22

Tuesday 31 January 2012 8:12

So he was suddenly dumb, humourless, overweight, and ugly?

zoPwNAgEzo 21

Tuesday 31 January 2012 8:12

What a jerk off

Comments

rileypet77 5

Friday 7 July 2017 1:50

that just means he's honest two

zoelog 10

Friday 13 September 2019 16:51

all guys do it. deal with it. ydi

xxWTFxx1981 23

Tuesday 29 March 2022 2:42

Cum on... It's a step up from a dick pic...

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, the woman who wanted a relationship, sent me heart kisses multiple times a day every day, and claimed that everything was perfect, bailed on me after I asked her if she could fit in one more than the current four days a month we see each other. FML

agreeclassic 743

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Today, at the register, I got a spontaneous nose bleed. The lady behind the counter apparently didn't do well with blood. Her face turned white, she passed out and fell with her head on the counter. FML

agreeclassic 9 740

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Today, I was fired. For no reason, at all. Literally. And it's totally legal. Thanks to my state being an "at will" employment state. FML

agreeclassic 5 994

vote type 1 908

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 40 422

vote type 1 5 433

Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML

agreeclassic 34 727

vote type 1 2 074

Today, I can't make friends. Every community event I go to, I'm the youngest person by decades, everyone I exchange contact info with in person never messages me back, and people I meet online ghost me before we get past "How are you?" I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I just want friends. I'm so fucking lonely. FML

agreeclassic 699

vote type 1 125

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