Anonymous - 01/08/2018 20:00 Today, I was chatting with a patient at the hospital I work at, who has what I can only describe as a "rotting head". He dropped something and as I went to pick it up, a glob of his head fell on my hand. I wasn't wearing gloves. FML. 77 5
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML 16 027 17 633
Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML 16 834 100 663
Today, I went on a blind date set up by my best friend. When I got there, my "date" was my ex. My best friend knew, and she thought it would be "funny" to see how we would react. FML 511 76
Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML 10 917 39 487
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML 859 2 215
Today, a man yelled at me for what seemed like an eternity when I told him his child wasn't tall enough to ride a roller-coaster. His daughter was about 3 years-old. The coaster is the second tallest in the world. I deal with morons like this every day, at minimum wage. FML 1 665 125
They didn’t give you a heads up? What a rotten thing to do.