Sex and Intimacy: Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best...

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

agreeclassic 110 254

vote type 1 17 616

The rhythm of the fight
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By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/06/2025 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Al Ain City

Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

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By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

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By Chakkamofo - 01/02/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 17:01

Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

agreeclassic 1 093

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By soapysoap - 10/12/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

agreeclassic 36 906

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By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

agreeclassic 30 575

vote type 1 17 516

kate08_fml 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:14

that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously

silkee_shiny 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:19

Happy Birthday hun :)

Comments

MassieMocha 0

Saturday 25 July 2009 7:29

Aww I'm sorry!!

xoxoninaxoxo 0

Sunday 23 August 2009 3:41

im soo sorry, happy birthday hun. hope your day's better.

infamousxmystery 3

Monday 21 September 2009 2:05

aww, i'm so sorry. happy birthday.

jensmlyons1 0

Wednesday 30 September 2009 8:03

Wow. I'm so sorry. Happy Birthday. Hope you can find someone worth your time.

cadet_cinnabunz 0

Tuesday 13 October 2009 2:44

psh i do the same thing we prolly have the same shower head XD

ryguy997 0

Thursday 4 March 2010 7:45

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOŒØOOOOW!

JamesM9794 0

Tuesday 16 March 2010 23:13

ever heard of masturbating?

BigYeash 0

Friday 16 April 2010 2:13

i feel so sorry for you - i know the feeling, but im only 16 so, not really

varkey 7

Thursday 29 April 2010 5:15

i thought showerheads were for taking a shower...

ilessthanthreeyo_fml 0

Saturday 31 July 2010 11:05

showerhead really works :P

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