Parenting, Relatable, Awkward Kids Straight to jail

Straight to jail

anon - 15/07/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Stranger danger!

Anonymous - - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

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You people are twisted!

pledonasm - 15/03/2015 16:11 - India - Thane

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

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lilmamma - 05/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML

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The Headmaster Ritual

angry mama - 21/09/2019 00:01

Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML

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Anonymous - 15/11/2010 07:26

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

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WELL FUCK YOU KINDLY, MA'AM - 18/11/2012 21:22 - United States - Endicott

Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML

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Whack-a-Mole

Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

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Zora - 15/07/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

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BaWanda - 30/06/2014 23:39 - United States - San Diego

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

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Brat winter

Single again - 04/01/2026 22:00

Today, my girlfriend's kid was acting silly and cutting up in a busy parking lot. I saw a car coming towards him and yanked him to my side. He started crying and my girlfriend screamed at me for "being mean" to him. I should have let the brat get hit, I guess. If this is the stepdad life, fuck it, I'm out. FML

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jellybeans4833 7

Friday 15 July 2011 9:06

you can't tell the difference between your own child? Sad.

allitaylor 4

Friday 15 July 2011 9:06

bet her parents loved you for that..

KLuff 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 5:13

Hahahaha. This would make the best commercial for contacts or glasses.

barretke 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 5:16

honest mistake. least u didnt him home

xPhoBiuHzZz 1

Saturday 16 July 2011 5:45

Pedomomthatsnotyourmom.

283leis 8

Saturday 16 July 2011 6:07

#150 does kinda have a point. After all. when i read this i pictured dome person taking some random kid off the monkey bars from the back.

jmonk 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 6:43

what an idiot u don't know how your child looks like?

catiebug_19 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 9:02

I could only imagine the look on the real parents face.

simon_lala 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 9:16

I think you knew it wasn't your kid you just wanted to kidnap them. admit it.

Irishxoxo 2

Saturday 16 July 2011 9:24

How the hell do you screw that one up?!

qtns0cal 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 10:17

how is that even possible? you don't recognize your own kid????? something is wrong with this picture!!!!!

stuart169 3

Saturday 16 July 2011 10:20

That's dirtier than my browsing history

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, and for a while, I've been on a dry spell, so I bust out my good old battery-operated boyfriend (B.O.B.) to break the spell. The film I found to assist in my task had actors who looked like my ex and me. I had the best orgasm I've ever had, while also bawling my eyes out at the same time. Therapy it is then. FML

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Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

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Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

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Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

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Today, if you have a job in my country, you automatically have health insurance. Without a job, you can get “voluntary insurance”. No, let me rephrase that: You are legally required to get “voluntary” insurance. Whether you can afford it or not. FML

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