Intimacy: Hot and… greasy

Hot and… greasy

By cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

agreeclassic 29 680

vote type 1 6 230

The rhythm of the fight
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By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

agreeclassic 18 266

vote type 1 32 766

By ch4nny - 29/08/2014 01:47 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

agreeclassic 41 273

vote type 1 5 694

And they say romance is dead…

By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

agreeclassic 28 049

vote type 1 7 738

Kinky

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

agreeclassic 1 237

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By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

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By confused - 28/09/2011 04:55 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

agreeclassic 31 239

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Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

agreeclassic 24 030

vote type 1 67 244

By JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

agreeclassic 30 979

vote type 1 4 736

That kidnapped kink

By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

agreeclassic 40 852

vote type 1 6 113

By sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

agreeclassic 40 309

vote type 1 10 384

XtraEzeee 8

Friday 20 July 2012 1:17

Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.

mike14991499 9

Friday 20 July 2012 1:16

You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?

Comments

BaconBoy75 2

Friday 20 July 2012 15:13

So, what's the problem? :)

macguy4321 14

Friday 20 July 2012 15:14

Mmmmm Bacon. Tasty Tasty Bacon

bjf10 22

Friday 20 July 2012 15:24

How does that not improve things? ;-)

MissMurder66 2

Friday 20 July 2012 15:38

Bacon is f*cking sexy!

bripoin 2

Friday 20 July 2012 15:38

Everything tastes better with bacon!

djskidd 9

Friday 20 July 2012 16:35

Bacon lube?

dirton89 7

Friday 20 July 2012 17:17

Bacon rules all.....never forget that shit

AkatsukiJonny 10

Friday 20 July 2012 17:45

Epipmealtime now has a bacon flavored lube ;)

rockman555555 3

Friday 20 July 2012 18:07

You've got yourself a true man.

Monkeyone 0

Friday 20 July 2012 18:34

bacon makes everything better

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Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML

agreeclassic 2 433

vote type 1 348

Today, another typical interaction with my ex-wife, which is always fun. Her: "Thank you for the e-transfer. When do you get back today?" Me: "Drop the kids off after 4." Ex-wife: "Sure. You could treat me with decency instead of acting like a controlling dictator." Eight more years of nonsense. I sure can pick 'em. FML

agreeclassic 321

vote type 1 955

Today, my friend called me freaking out because of an online pregnancy test. She was scared because she had no idea that she was pregnant, let alone having a fifteen-pound baby. The website is a joke. She goes to an Ivy League school, and I couldn't even get into community college. FML

agreeclassic 39 045

vote type 1 4 186

Today, my cousin came to visit from Texas. It would have been great if he hadn't groped me and whispered, "Incest isn't illegal" when he saw me. FML

agreeclassic 5 870

vote type 1 366

Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML

agreeclassic 1 163

vote type 1 170

Today, my dad and I had an hour-long conversation. When he was getting up to leave my room he said, "Good talk Chelsey." My sister is Chelsey. So I corrected him. He thought I was joking. My father can't tell my sister and I apart. We are not twins. FML

agreeclassic 40 412

vote type 1 2 536