Miscellaneous Girl… - FML

Girl…

sober - - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

79 753

4 386

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! …

It's better than nothing, I suppose

thatonekid - 06/05/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my dad texted me, "I love u." I replied, "I love you too dad... are you drunk?" He answers back, "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

70 049

5 196

paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

55 758

5 793

Illinoisgirl - 14/02/2012 14:29 - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

40 267

3 054

Nice view

Sexting Parents - 16/11/2012 02:45 - United States - Short Hills

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

32 879

2 761

He's still got it

Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

1 743

154

Let down

MoxyR12 - 24/06/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML

48 848

5 736

Anonymous - 15/05/2015 23:55 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

33 770

2 386

Supportive

arch maester shavayalsharashion - 26/07/2015 17:29 - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML

25 838

2 937

Drunk MC

Anonymous - 11/03/2013 14:03 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

31 515

3 040

Username - 17/08/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML

10 690

41 849

XxLorniklexX 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:13

This is why parents shouldn't text.

kk_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 6:17

that is hilarious

AcessDenied 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:53

OMG That's totally not FML that's PRICELESS. You should totally save that in your phone and show it to your Mom or something, all your friends at school or work or whatever. omg I'd die to have that. Only it be my grandfather. OMG I'm cracking up so hard right now.

foolishwolf 0

Friday 13 March 2009 22:35

HAHAHAHA that's the funniest goddamn thing I've ever heard

Lubinduba 0

Monday 16 March 2009 20:08

lmfaoooo

THTB 3

Tuesday 17 March 2009 20:05

Lol @ Pedo-Dad.

resawins 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 19:39

aaaaahahahaha!!!!! funny funny.

mystery_fml 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 18:27

As much as this is probably scarring for you, I find it hilarious.

Fury3321 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 5:24

that is sooo my dad

cherrymary 0

Friday 3 April 2009 0:36

hahaha! that is funny and awkward at the same time

lifeisgoood 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 6:48

hahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha i cried when i read this from laughing soo hard.

xoxo9171 0

Friday 5 June 2009 1:54

hahaha that's hilarious! :P

1
2
3
4
5
6

Birthday Cops Customers Work Love Crush Anniversary Kids Clothes Health Mental health Parents Disney Music Miscellaneous Politics Relatable Argument Friends Awkward Painful NSFW Intimacy Cute Money Geek Ironic Books Coworkers Family

Today, my 4-year-old daughter asked me when I was going to be skinny like her daycare lady. FML

2 600

383

Today, I went to my friend's house to celebrate her birthday but 3 of them ganged up on me and molested my arse cheeks. Later, someone found a wooden plank and spanked me hard. There was also a BB gun and my arse was the target. I have been a social outcast all my life, and these are my only friends, but I'm always hit. FML

624

151

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

62 796

9 361

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

12 102

53 042

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

30 892

2 684

Today, I came to find out that each person I've ever dated was either set up by my dad or by my sister. I'm fuming. FML

434

139