Sex, Anxiety, Awkward and Intimacy: Effective - FML

Effective

By Nublet - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

agreeclassic 36 449

vote type 1 5 587

End-of-year festivities: New Year's Eve fun and frolics
End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…

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By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 09:55 - United Kingdom

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By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 00:47 - United States

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By notsexy - 28/07/2009 22:28 - United States

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By seriously? - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Pickerington

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

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By myusofwe - 06/02/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

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Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

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Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML

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Killing the mood

By hotmess - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

ImmaB3AST 7

Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:03

what the hell are you? a vacuum cleaner?

chick011 0

Wednesday 7 September 2011 11:58

Must have been really good?

Comments

Nublet 10

Thursday 8 September 2011 8:21

He's very much past being a virgin. And we've been together for about 6 months and he's gotten at least a ******* a day from me every day we've been together.

Nublet 10

Thursday 8 September 2011 8:23

Yes, that's what his doctor said.

20jetsgo 3

Thursday 8 September 2011 8:35

U got that Super head

Nublet 10

Thursday 8 September 2011 8:39

Well, you suck when you play the harmonica, too...just not quite in the same WAY...

Nublet 10

Thursday 8 September 2011 8:45

Some girls would suck really hard if there were a gold ball in there. Would totally change the term "gold digger" to "gold sucker".

loso86 2

Thursday 8 September 2011 10:20

U used teeth didn't u?!

mj50 0

Thursday 8 September 2011 11:07

aggressively! may be

DerekBlaskie 6

Thursday 8 September 2011 13:11

Uuuuuuhhhhh heres my number OP what ever you do must be magical.. 867-5309 Ha, had to ;p

ChrissiPumpkin 10

Thursday 8 September 2011 16:12

Did ... did you CHEW on it??

BballHottie34 9

Thursday 8 September 2011 23:22

your life sucks

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Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Top

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

agreeclassic 48 556

vote type 1 5 757

Today, at work, a customer cried because the cake I made her was not "exactly" the same as the display. I'm the one who made the display and it was the same but the display cake had faded a bit, since it had been there for a month. I'd mentioned this to the customer when she placed the order. FML

agreeclassic 31 567

vote type 1 2 222

Today, my wife whined that she couldn't sleep, while she had her eyes glued to her phone, her Switch in her lap, the TV on, and her bedside light shining in her face. I've long since learned not to comment on this. FML

agreeclassic 433

vote type 1 81

Today, I had my husband’s family over. Our adopted 4 year-old daughter drew a cute card and gave it to me saying, "Happy Mother’s Day mommy! I love you." My mother-in-law scoffed, "She’s infertile and not even your real mom, but ok." Now our daughter won’t stop asking all sorts of questions. FML

agreeclassic 2 039

vote type 1 118

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, "just trim the dead ends" and "give me an afro" mean the same thing to a barber. FML

agreeclassic 4 060

vote type 1 383

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about what happened to me during the day when he stopped me mid-sentence, asked me to skip the middle and to go right to the end of the story, because he could feel himself slowly dying of boredom. Rude much? FML

agreeclassic 803

vote type 1 805