Sex, Awkward, LGBTQIA+ and Intimacy: Crude

Crude

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 01:24 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

agreeclassic 27 002

vote type 1 5 058

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By Champion sucker - 11/08/2018 06:00

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

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By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is disappointed in me because I came to him for advice on how I should tell my girlfriend I don’t feel ready for sex yet. He just looked at me, shook his head, and walked away. Later he sent my mom to ask me if I’m gay. FML

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By anonymous - 19/08/2013 05:41 - United States - Lamar

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

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By spiritbeast33 - 11/09/2013 06:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

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By Asterisk1009 - 29/06/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

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By Mark - 31/08/2021 15:01

Today, I came out as gay to my dad on Whatsapp. The only thing he replied was, "I'll ever talk to you again when you stop being a pussy." He then blocked me from everywhere. FML

agreeclassic 1 109

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Are you experienced?

By ugh - 11/03/2013 11:33 - United States - Easthampton

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

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By not gay in AL - 11/05/2014 17:57 - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

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Denial

By TedX - 19/08/2020 20:07

Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML

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By mothtal - 03/06/2012 16:13 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

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iiVas 10

Monday 25 January 2016 14:05

Looks like your dad saw the opportunity to make that joke and took it xD

igg125 30

Monday 25 January 2016 14:08

He means butt pussy.

Comments

IndefiniteBeauty 17

Monday 25 January 2016 19:22

Well I've heard many gay boys claim they have a pussy so this still stands lmao.

PinkGlitterBunny 8

Monday 25 January 2016 19:34

He was probably making a crappy joke

raz0rf0x 8

Monday 25 January 2016 19:47

just because your date's a sensitive guy doesn't call for name calling...

Suaria 38

Monday 25 January 2016 21:53

Except OP never said his date is a sensitive guy. Just because a guy is sensitive person doesn't mean they are a pussy either.

914smv 18

Monday 25 January 2016 20:09

um okay... Maybe he forgot...?

protoskore 27

Monday 25 January 2016 20:17

let the old man dream

heavenlyassbutt 11

Monday 25 January 2016 20:31

Your dad sounds awesome, lucky you.

Fairyjoshy 13

Monday 25 January 2016 20:38

I'm thinking he just used a euphemism for "Have great sex, son" and didn't really even think about the gender of it.

transwhale 19

Monday 25 January 2016 20:48

Men can have *******, too. Or did we forget that trans people are a thing?

kampuchea 6

Monday 25 January 2016 20:52

You need to give us the original version right now... Please :)

captainsmegma 12

Monday 25 January 2016 20:53

Would you prefer "tear that asshole up" or "suck that dick"?

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Top

Today, I finally realized that I have so much anxiety and stress, I would fail a polygraph test asking me my own name. FML

agreeclassic 779

vote type 1 157

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

agreeclassic 35 404

vote type 1 24 387

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because apparently, I'm a drug addict who can't speak without slurring and stumbling with my words. I have a recurring speech impediments and the stammer is definitely real. FML

agreeclassic 1 729

vote type 1 177

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, naked. FML

agreeclassic 1 870

vote type 1 525

Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML

agreeclassic 34 011

vote type 1 3 209

Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

agreeclassic 27 226

vote type 1 13 453