Intimacy: Come again - FML

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

agreeclassic 21 023

vote type 1 62 632

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Spontaneous

By Anonymous - 01/03/2011 17:32 - United States

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Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

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By canucks_chick - 23/10/2011 05:45 - Canada

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Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

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By pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

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Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

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Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

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Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

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Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

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By kinkicali - 20/11/2012 08:43 - United States - Maple Valley

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Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

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By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

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Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

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Kinky

By LaLa - 09/01/2012 05:01 - United States

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Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

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Single life

By Dxxk Biter - 20/02/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, the first guy I tried to have sex with at university got his foreskin stuck in his zip and had to go to hospital for stitches. He told all his friends I did it on purpose with my teeth during a blowjob. I now have a reputation, so I guess I'm staying single for the next 3 years. FML

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FML Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 06:00

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

ultraslick 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 20:10

once the bj is done, you really don't need to do anything sexy. Or really anything at all, fall asleep on the floor if you want, we don't care.

mrfflrp 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 20:06

omg. more like f his life!

Comments

bacontoyourspicy 1

Friday 20 May 2016 4:28

this week on sex sent me to the ER...

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Top

Top

Today, I was going down the elevator in my dorm and a friend joined on another floor. He then thought it was a good time to tell me that he'd slept with my girlfriend when the elevator got stuck. Worst 40 minutes of my life. FML

agreeclassic 26 721

vote type 1 1 617

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

agreeclassic 35 422

vote type 1 2 577

Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML

agreeclassic 50 623

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Today, I found out that my best friend's psycho ex-girlfriend has been stalking me on social media for the past few months, when she contacted me asking why I was holding hands with him in a picture from over two years ago. FML

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Today, I found out that the man I’ve been dating for four months still isn’t over his ex and that’s why he doesn’t want to make it official between us. FML

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Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

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