Intimacy: Bad start - FML

Bad start

By fuck but no fuck - 02/08/2013 19:44 - South Africa - Pretoria

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

agreeclassic 52 166

vote type 1 28 487

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

agreeclassic 36 785

vote type 1 6 007

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

agreeclassic 53 455

vote type 1 6 045

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

agreeclassic 49 450

vote type 1 26 543

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

agreeclassic 43 086

vote type 1 6 102

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

agreeclassic 54 126

vote type 1 6 462

By angelisa - 21/11/2015 14:54 - United States - Yuba City

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

agreeclassic 30 771

vote type 1 3 937

Running gag

By needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

agreeclassic 2 397

vote type 1 341

Nope

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

agreeclassic 48 898

vote type 1 6 680

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

agreeclassic 34 107

vote type 1 83 437

Lost

By Alicia - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

agreeclassic 32 438

vote type 1 6 371

Next

TOP COMMENTS

SuperPizzaMan_fml 11

Friday 2 August 2013 23:39

More like FHL. Poor penis.. :(

littlexlune 16

Friday 2 August 2013 23:38

Better luck next time!

Comments

eightpack007 7

Sunday 4 August 2013 0:59

Let him put it on dummy

earthwalker7 4

Sunday 4 August 2013 3:33

Wolverine, Will you please stop sharing our bedroom stories with the whole world??? This was private! - Professor X

jaguar45b 7

Sunday 4 August 2013 4:19

I agree his life sucks

lionqueen1400 16

Sunday 4 August 2013 7:37

Doesn't the guy normally put it on himself?

WeskersSexslave 15

Sunday 4 August 2013 14:19

cut your nails -.-

DiamondxandxGold 6

Sunday 4 August 2013 22:30

wauw poor boyfriend.. practice on a banana!

DiamondxandxGold 6

Sunday 4 August 2013 22:31

wauw poor boyfriend.. practice on a banana

xxsadie03xx 7

Monday 5 August 2013 4:36

Better than getting aids I suppose (If he had it..)

kobykai 3

Monday 5 August 2013 5:18

Wow. What a boner killer.

superman3212 8

Monday 5 August 2013 9:10

cut ur nails. BOOM! PROBLEM SOLVER RIGHT HERE:]

6
7
8
9
10
11

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, after always thinking I wasn't ugly, just fat, I've lost 30kg and it now turns out I was wrong. FML

agreeclassic 1 007

vote type 1 135

Today, I didn't have enough money to tip my hairstylist, even though I thought I did and said I was, but I'm so broke, my card got declined at $50. I needed the haircut for an interview. I feel so f@%$>&* bad about it. FML

agreeclassic 984

vote type 1 297

Today, I found out that my partner of 2 years has been lying to me and cheating on me from the beginning of our relationship. The worst part is I don’t know how to confront him because I found out by going through his phone. FML

agreeclassic 826

vote type 1 1 167

Today, it was wacky tacky day at my school. I did not participate, however, I did get voted the tackiest outfit in my school. FML

agreeclassic 29 116

vote type 1 8 382

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years-old. I'm 25. FML

agreeclassic 40 165

vote type 1 13 642

Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML

agreeclassic 30 582

vote type 1 2 890