Awkward, Wanker and Intimacy: Alone time - FML

Alone time

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 12:12 - Philippines - Quezon City

Spicy

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

agreeclassic 30 988

vote type 1 3 779

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By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 10:05 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

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By PizzaNIF - 13/07/2016 17:58 - United States - Henderson

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Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

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Stop right now!

By Anonymous - 02/06/2013 22:36 - United Kingdom - Grays

Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML

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By ginny - 10/09/2009 17:18 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

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Old school cool

By Chimychunga - 01/08/2010 06:47 - United States

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Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML

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By Bisounours - 22/07/2011 11:23 - France

Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

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By beachbumb8538 - 15/07/2011 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

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When pranks go too far

By ObviousBooty - 17/07/2016 07:31 - United States - Kankakee

Spicy

Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML

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By monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

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By ;)loganberry(; - 27/12/2011 17:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

iAlissa 34

Thursday 22 October 2015 0:41

That's a huge Dumbledon't

pokemyeyes 23

Thursday 22 October 2015 0:43

"Polishing his wand" *gag* Graphic choice of words there op

Comments

klirrivirri 9

Monday 26 October 2015 13:59

make sense.. to play with his magic stick watching a wizard movie

noreallyitsjess 2

Tuesday 27 October 2015 21:39

Well that's something you'd Neville want to walk in on

Michal99 12

Tuesday 27 October 2015 23:22

i didn't know harry potter had **** lmfao!

Freewingradical 4

Friday 30 October 2015 22:52

Grow up, you just realised that your father is a human being.With questionable taste in ****.

LuvelyGirl 9

Sunday 1 November 2015 5:34

You're a pornstar Harry

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I returned home from a three-week vacation. None of my friends realized I'd been gone. FML

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Check out these guys and figure out what the saying is. Is it a saying? It's something in any case.

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Today, my horrible parents turned up to the restaurant I work at just to mess with me. Dad forgot his wallet, what a surprise, and asked me to pay the bill. I refused so my manager got involved. My dad got arrested, I got fired and might lose my lousy flat if I’m late on the rent. FML

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Today, I tried to pick up two girls by asking them what time it was. They burst out laughing. FML

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Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

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Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

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