Poopoo peepee

Powerful

By Noguestlist - 02/03/2011 08:16

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 595

You deserved it 9 964

By Poopie - 29/01/2011 06:06 - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 241

You deserved it 3 224

I'm pissed

By embarrassed2 - 24/01/2011 02:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tickled me. In between laughs, I warned him that I was going to pee myself. He didn't believe me. After I actually did, he suggested we use a "safety word" from now on so that he will know when I'm being serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 000

You deserved it 4 812

Genius

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 598

You deserved it 5 207

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 827

You deserved it 6 590

Hide and seek champion

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 379

You deserved it 9 877

TW: Gross

By sweet_stufz - 11/11/2010 13:30 - Canada

Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 659

You deserved it 38 930

Stress test

By anonymous - 20/10/2010 06:38 - New Zealand

Today, I got so nervous that I actually peed my pants during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 628

You deserved it 13 395

By forgotten - 21/09/2010 22:16 - United States

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 172

You deserved it 7 436

Double down

By coyote - 02/09/2010 07:25 - Japan

Today, I'm recovering from abdominal surgery. In addition to pain, I'm having trouble peeing and haven't pooped since Sunday, so my surgeon prescribed a laxative. Turns out I'm allergic to it. Now I'm covered in hives, even in my ears, incisions, and lady parts. I also still haven't pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 066

You deserved it 2 812

Amplified

By Anonymous - 01/09/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 681

You deserved it 4 447

HEEEELP!

By babysitter - 24/06/2010 21:38 - United States

Today, I was twenty minutes into babysitting my twin baby cousins when I realized that there are no diapers to be found anywhere in the house. I have no way to get a hold of my aunt, no money to buy new diapers, and I don't even have a way to get to the store in the first place. The next few hours are going to be lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 383

You deserved it 4 962

By MegahnDN - 11/06/2010 14:33 - United States

Today, my kitten decided that having diarrhea was not a good enough reason to stop running in circles around my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 782

You deserved it 4 188

Bad boy

By Rich - 19/05/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 307

You deserved it 4 627

Make yourself at home

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 154

You deserved it 2 508

Run away time!

By CreepedOut - 09/03/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 085

You deserved it 2 824

Treasure hunt

By Catois - 05/03/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 786

You deserved it 13 247

By pain - 26/02/2010 10:23 - Japan

Today, I found out that explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the altar, while my husband said his vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 467

You deserved it 3 292

Gross night out

By missunlucky - 18/02/2010 00:24 - Czech Republic

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee, but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 176

You deserved it 9 995

By mallcop - 14/02/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, while I was working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 825

You deserved it 2 642

Lingering smells

By UptoHERE - 04/02/2010 03:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a road-trip with some of my buddies, when we stopped at a gas station. When I opened the door to their bathroom, brown water flowed out, soaking my legs up to my knees. I then spent another 2 hours in an enclosed vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 513

You deserved it 2 295

Jobsworth

By sucksssssss - 28/01/2010 20:12 - France

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone had pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor, and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 204

You deserved it 3 998

Pooped out

By jmitch1209 - 28/01/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I was potty-training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 972

You deserved it 3 879

I've known for ages

By Crap - 28/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 113

You deserved it 7 196

Plumbing issues

By Anonymous - 25/01/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 345

You deserved it 3 253

By shitface - 25/01/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 594

You deserved it 3 454

Hey guys, check this out

By Sonic - 15/01/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 454

You deserved it 30 944

Good job

By Anonymous - 11/01/2010 18:08 - United States

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 104

You deserved it 3 628

By Amber - 10/01/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, I found out why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 174

You deserved it 3 280

Let it all out

By pottypattypeepants - 31/12/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 731

You deserved it 19 655

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The Top

Today, my parents tricked me by claiming we were going on holiday, but stopped at grandma"s first, "just to say hi", then left me there with my bags. They dumped me with grandma and went on holiday without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 169

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 998

You deserved it 4 177

Today, it's been 2 years of finally being on the right dosage of thyroid medication and going to the gym. I'm now 130lbs down from my heaviest weight. I just received an unprompted invite to be an event model at a local dungeon that only caters to fat fetishists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 188

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The interviewer started by introducing herself and asking how I was. I got caught between introducing myself and telling her how I was and replied, "I'm Kate thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 616

You deserved it 5 433

Today, my husband pathetically tried to convince me that his “friend” has his Facebook password, and “hacks” into his account to message another woman using his profile. The dick picture he sent her by text message? His “friend” has his iCloud password and “hacked” it, and sent it himself. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 179

Today, I watered a dying communal plant. I was fined $250 for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 922

You deserved it 1 787