Health

By Fatlady43 - 19/01/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 302

You deserved it 6 529

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 12:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 039

You deserved it 4 015

Too much

By Lost Reggie - 05/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my daughter had her gall bladder removed after just having liver surgery, my girlfriend tripped and fell, breaking several toes and possibly her ankle, and I got almost no sleep between my night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 103

Social lifeline

By Anonymous - 04/10/2022 18:00 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, my psychologist canceled our appointment due to Covid. I'm a mess and was looking forward to our meeting, it's the only constant thing in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 206

Legal issues

By Robert - 27/12/2017 15:00

Today, a judge ruled against me. I filed for divorce because my wife got pregnant even though I had a vasectomy. Apparently, not informing your spouse of a vasectomy is worse than cheating in the eyes of the court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 000

You deserved it 1 407

Health nut

By Anonymous - 02/03/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend has always been a health nut, but he's really started going off the deep end lately. He's gone from just disliking fast food to a lunatic yelling about organ meat (YUCK), seed oils, and microplastics, as well as other things I don't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 194

Run for your life!

By Anonymous - 19/08/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, I was in a hurry to pull out all the fence posts around our horse meadow, because the new owner is suddenly kicking us out. As if that wasn’t bad enough, some ground wasps were living at the base of one of those fence posts. No, they were not amused when I started wiggling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 130

Theater kid issues

By Belle - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Berwyn

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 769

You deserved it 1 460

**** those guys

By Conversion - 12/05/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, I work in healthcare databases, mostly child abuse, so I'd been looking forward to a weekend obstacle course, organized by a friend of a friend. After getting the details, I realized the event will raise funds for pro-life and LGBT conversion therapy. My new plans involve drinking and moving out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 323

**** those dudes

By who tf asked you! - 15/09/2023 10:00

Today, already stressed from my classes, I decided to scarf down a huge burrito while on break at school. Some Andrew Taint wannabe decided to come over to my area and tell me how unattractive I was for eating so much. Fuck you, dude! FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 160

Crisis

By Anonymous - 02/09/2022 20:00 - United States - Milford

Today, the same person who tried to OD, threatens suicide monthly, and threatens to off people almost daily, called the state police on me because I had a PTSD episode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 144

By fuckoffgramps - 24/01/2016 17:10 - United States - New Freedom

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 608

You deserved it 2 272

By all arsed out - 06/03/2016 16:50 - United Kingdom - Spalding

Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 669

You deserved it 1 566

Late bloomer

By depressedboy - 02/02/2024 16:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I came for the first time WAY after the normal age, which is like 11 to 13 (I’m 16) and not only that, but I learned I have to deal with medical conditions, because it was painful when I ejaculated. The first time I even had testicle retraction. I’m just like my goddamn dad with his problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 136

By SymmetricalPizzaFace - 07/09/2014 04:52 - United States - Westminster

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 720

You deserved it 2 959

By Kristina - 18/02/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 029

You deserved it 6 892

By LennyComa - 19/03/2017 00:00

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 606

You deserved it 945

You are what you eat

By i wonder why - 21/10/2022 07:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my roommate still chooses to waste his money on McDonald's food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He politely refuses to eat my nutritious home-cooked meals that people say taste amazing. Then he complains that he's in a shitty mood all the time. I wonder why… FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 553

Covid is soooooo 2019

By Anonymous - 09/03/2024 15:00 - Australia - Wacol

Today, after making a 3.5 hour trip to see his parents, my boyfriend found out his dad has COVID. He doesn't understand why I'm upset that they waited until after he was there to tell him. I'm immunocompromised, and can't afford to miss work. My boyfriend still wants to come home after being around him for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 129

Sleep demon

By good big sister? - 02/07/2013 17:39 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 131

You deserved it 4 723

Emergencies can't be choosers

By Anonymous - 20/07/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, my mom argued with me that I should have went to an emergency room a further 18 minutes away from me, during a near fatal allergic reaction, so I would've received "better care." FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 88

By mynameislor - 09/02/2010 14:26 - Canada

Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 257

You deserved it 7 435

Diva

By justmeagain - 19/09/2022 13:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I requested to have my own room at a hotel instead of sharing with everyone else, and I was called an inconsiderate diva. The reason is that after eating anything, my stomach makes such loud and disgusting noises that no one would be able to sleep, but I’m too embarrassed to say that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 202

By Liz0352 - 08/11/2018 04:30 - United States - Bainbridge Island

Today, my youngest son's teacher surprised me with a box of diapers. Apparently my son told her I was pregnant, but I'm not. I had to explain to her I'm just fat. She apologized and felt awful, and told me to keep the diapers. My children are 5 and 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 000

You deserved it 297

Assumptions

By Heather Scurfield - 06/03/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Witney

Today, at work, I had some palpitations, which ultimately caused me to become hot, dizzy, and pass out. I couldn't go home because we were so short staffed, and three different colleagues asked me if I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 26/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, my self-described "genius" cousin came to the conclusion that cooking the turkey in the oven for 8 hours would take too long, so he doubled the temperature to have it done in half the time. The fire department had to come to put out the fireball that was once my butterball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 087

You deserved it 257

By cagel - 13/12/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 2 782

By FattyMcFatterson - 24/06/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 819

You deserved it 82 498

Looking good

By ShutTheFuCupcake - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 788

You deserved it 71 718

Tell us more

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 03:00 - United States - Chicago Ridge

Today, I went to get an MRI for preventive care. The diagnosis was great, but I ended up having complications with the contrast, so now I have terrible muscle pain and have to see more doctors. I have mixed feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 113

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 838

You deserved it 2 937

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 547

You deserved it 66 441

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 982

You deserved it 3 372

Today, my boyfriend crossed a line with his bullshit "jokes". At dinner, he once again annoyed my dad by insisting that the "AR" in "AR-15" means "assault rifle". My dad is an NRA gun nut, so he finally blew up and told him that he was going to "AR his nuts if he didn't quit fucking with him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 497

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 095

You deserved it 5 276

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 118

You deserved it 12 071