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Heyo. OP here! Yes, my parents always told me not to talk with food in my mouth... Haha. Though in this instance, since I always thank my bus driver, I figured I should just thank him despite the fact that I had a mouthful of candy. Didn't turn out the way I expected. Also, very true, #2. I probably should have savored it. Alas! The candy! Tis lost forever, a true tragedy indeed. ;-;

Kinky

By huskynick - 18/06/2020 05:05

Today, it's been two days and my girlfriend still won't talk to me. Why? Because she made out with a mutual friend at a party, and got mad at me for thinking it was hot rather than being jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 661

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work to find my grandmother in my living room, demanding to know where I'd been all day. I'm 22 and live by myself. She stole my mother's emergency key to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 055

You deserved it 1 501

By anonymous - 15/02/2015 22:39 - United States - Valdosta

Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 012

You deserved it 2 918

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 20:30

Today, as a male in his 40s, I went to "mixed" aerobics. I arrived late to find the entire female class had started intensely warming up. Within 5 minutes I pulled a calf muscle and left limping pathetically past a martial arts class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 639

Sore

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 20:01

Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled, "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in two weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 318

You deserved it 346

Thanks!

By uh-oh - 21/07/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, dropped a condom on the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 156

You deserved it 30 947

Remember when conspiracy theories were fun?

By ET. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my wife is totally convinced that she was abducted by aliens last night, all because she fell out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 008

You deserved it 2 710

Hello?

By SBae - 14/03/2016 15:49 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 028

You deserved it 9 241

And they same romance is dead…

By celticschick - 31/08/2020 16:59

Today, I had an important staff meeting via Zoom. My boyfriend got home from work, walked through the door and shouted, "BABE! I'M READY TO GET MY D*** SUCKED!" I wasn't on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 458

Empathy

By m0r0n - 24/09/2020 01:17 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I started crying at work because I talked to a patient who lost his wife. They were together for 64 years, I can't even get a guy to look at me for 64 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 346

m0r0n tells us more.

m0r0n 9

Wednesday 23 September 2020 21:46

My first FML ever published, thank you! I did have extreme empathy for the patient, I held his hand and told him how sorry I was. I had recently been divorced after leaving a 17 year marriage, to an alcoholic, only to be diagnosed with breast cancer a few months after. I don't think I'm unattractive, I just seem to get the wrong kind of attraction. Fast forward, I am now cancer free and maybe someday I'll find that special someone. Thanks for your votes and comments!

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 12:55 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 480

You deserved it 9 338