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OP, here. Soooo.. I'm not a guy. And my friend is bisexual. But I thought it was great that you all thought I was a male, that and (most) of your comments actually made me feel better. For the other comments.. I know I deserved it, but it did suck, especially since I really didn't want to ask, but I thought "why not??".. Yeahhh.. I think I found out why not. ANYWAYS! For starters, we met when we were in middle school, I didn't have those kind of feelings for her back then. They've really just developed over the past few years. I haven't been in love with her for 9 years, that's just how long we've been friends. Okay, so this actually happened over a span of two days. The day I asked her out, she kind of freaked out, but she said it wasn't in a "bad" way. She mentioned that she had thought about a relationship with me in the past, and she was shocked that I was finally asking after so long, BUT that she needed time to think. I assumed that meant no, and I was assuming she would say no from the start. I asked her to just say no if she didn't want to, that I'm fine with it. She didn't answer when I said it, and she waited until the next day to answer.. with the puppy analogy. At first, she just drew "two girls = a girl with a dog" and gave me the drawing. I didn't know what that meant, so then she actually said what she meant it out loud. I was a bit annoyed that she didn't say no, she chose to choose an analogy. Honestly, a no would have been better (and less confusing.) I'm sure she didn't mean it in a bad way, she's not the greatest with words, but it hurt. I felt like it was a double smack in the face. We're still friends and I have no intentions of changing that. Anyhoo, thanks for the sweet comments. Hopefully some day I'll find "The One" and they won't think I'm a puppy. :*

By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 13:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 283

You deserved it 5 221

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 13:17 - United States - Waldorf

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four-month-old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 574

You deserved it 1 582

By Anonymous - 30/12/2018 06:00 - Australia - Carlton

Today, I found the remnants of a condom in my dog’s poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 431

You deserved it 400

So good

By shelby124 - 15/08/2012 16:31 - United States - York

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 137

You deserved it 39 955

WTF dude?

By marriedlesbian - 12/02/2019 16:00

Today, after a dangerous and painful emergency caesarean, I received an SMS from a guy I turned down for a date, saying he was crying and so excited to meet 'our' baby. I've barely even shaken hands with this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 538

You deserved it 241

By Anonymous - 20/02/2019 04:00

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 061

You deserved it 209

Wikifeet champion

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 05:44 - United States

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 606

You deserved it 6 622

It wasn't me

By Florida Girl - 09/03/2019 12:00

Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time today and learned that his mom is from the same area as my dad. Before I could tell a funny story about my dad’s senior prank, his mom said that during her senior year, some asshole spray painted their school mascot on their football field. That was my dad’s senior prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 418

You deserved it 380

By cookiecutter8 - 06/11/2015 17:15 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, a guy started complimenting me and calling me beautiful. Halfway through, he burst out laughing and said he couldn't do it. Who needs self confidence, anyway? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 246

You deserved it 1 696

By MrsMusselLady - 24/04/2017 17:26 - United Kingdom - Huntingdon

Today, I came home from work to see that my dog had shit all over himself and his kennel. He eaten an entire cake when I'd left him home for 10 minutes by himself yesterday. This not how I planned to start my weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 162

You deserved it 768

MrsMusselLady tells us more.

MrsMusselLady 18

Monday 24 April 2017 17:53

Lol no, it was my first weekend off after working 8 days in a row! I had gotten off work at 0700 and went straight home to that whole situation.

By Countdown has begun - 16/05/2019 12:58

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 232

Final exam

By Just an Exam - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on his final exam. I confronted him after class by jokingly asking, "If you cheated on a test, would you cheat on me?" Turns out that yes, yes he would, and he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 808

You deserved it 949

By CollegeStudent - 26/11/2016 05:55

Today, after being excited and trying to make plans with all my friends, they all turned out to be busy. After watching Netflix most of the night, I check my Snapchat stories only to see them all hanging out without me at one of their houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 380

You deserved it 891

By emeraldarcher74 - 19/11/2016 18:34 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 277

You deserved it 1 356

By BooBabe - 04/06/2012 23:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 041

You deserved it 6 835

By Anonymous - 15/11/2016 13:47

Today, my college dormitory accused me of something I didn't do, breaking a law that I never heard of, charged me $200 to fix "what I did wrong", and is forcing me to go to counciling at the school. Not only was I not on campus when it happened, but I was the one who reported the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 012

You deserved it 791

By SwoopingEagle - 09/06/2017 20:00

Today, my co-workers were laughing at me because I couldn't throw paper into the bin, regardless of how close I was. Annoyed, I tried to prove then wrong by angry throwing paper into the bin that was no less that 1 cm away from me. I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 845

You deserved it 1 323

Lookalike

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 573

You deserved it 3 902

By :'( - 09/09/2015 03:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was let go from my dream job for requesting Photoshop as well as Illustrator. I was hired to create marketing materials. Guess I should have just used Paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 762

You deserved it 1 647

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I learned not to get a job as an elephant keeper at the zoo when the water at home is out for a week for renovations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 192

Today, I spent hours voluntarily decorating my town for Christmas. After a break, I came back to find someone had re-positioned the wooden reindeer to make it look like they were humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 487

You deserved it 8 620

Today, while I was lifeguarding a swim meet with over 100 patrons, a duck paid a visit to our pool. He sat down and a brown cloud surfaced in the water. He immediately flew off. My manager then made me put goggles on and scoop out the poop while everyone watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 697

You deserved it 914

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 931

You deserved it 2 887

Today, I was going to ask my coworker to cover for me for a few hours so I could go somewhere where they would pay me for my opinion. I had rescheduled this. Before I could ask, my coworker messaged asked if she could take the exact same time and date off to take her son to a school event. She beat me to it, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 409

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 053

You deserved it 21 083