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By mackamuir - 01/04/2016 13:01 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my roommate played a crazy April Fool's joke on me by not paying his rent this month. Good one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 973

You deserved it 1 793

My Bucket

By pyook - 06/09/2018 23:30

Today, my college class has a strict rule that ANY absence, even if it's because you're sick and have a doctor's note, will drop your grade a letter grade. I have a chronic illness. Today is the second time in the first two weeks that I've had to show up to class with a bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 588

You deserved it 211

By Danny - 12/09/2018 20:30

Today, after being together for 8 months, I learned that not only was my boyfriend a liar, but that he is also married, and has been for 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 130

You deserved it 282

Pleased to meet you

By ANON - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Littleton

Today, I went straight from work to a blind date, and I decided to change in my car at the parking lot. Someone pulled up next to me as I had my ass to the window. It was my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 195

You deserved it 9 004

By doesnttastegood - 01/02/2010 10:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 686

You deserved it 13 974

By awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 647

You deserved it 237

Like riding a bike

By XxrudyxX - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - Canada - Fort Saskatchewan

Today, my garage got broken into and someone stole my $3000 bike. I bought it a month ago while I recovered from a knee injury. I just got enough strength 2 days ago to ride it. I've only ridden it once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 572

You deserved it 313

Ass man

By blaaargh - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Seymour

Today, my dad uttered the words, "You gotta admit, your mother's got one hell of an ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 582

You deserved it 2 329

By Mr. X - 23/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Southborough

Today, my sister convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her. All because I took the first slice of her birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 595

You deserved it 5 483

By replaced - 22/02/2016 03:03 - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 254

You deserved it 1 674

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 23:21 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 989

You deserved it 1 695

Compassion

By Anonymous - 30/01/2016 06:47 - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral, I was told to "man up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 860

You deserved it 1 830

By soni_miller - 26/01/2016 06:02 - United States - Burke

Today, I learned the hard way what the inside of my toe looks like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 631

You deserved it 1 588

soni_miller tells us more.

soni_miller 6

Tuesday 26 January 2016 19:55

Hey guys! I'm OP, I just didn't log in to give the FML. At the end of October, my iPad accidentally fell on my big toe, affecting my nail and the skin around it. It still didn't heal and yesterday it started chipping and peeling off. It actually didn't hurt when it did. But DO NOT EVER DROP YOUR IPAD ON YOUR TOE BECAUSE IT WILL HURT SO BAD.

By Anonymous - 11/07/2019 02:00

Today, I felt so lonely that when I was watching a ghost show, I wished my house was haunted so at least some sort of presence was with me, even if it was in another dimension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 608

You deserved it 275

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up to the fire department at my house. Why? My brother called 911 thinking there was a fire after turning the heat on for the first time all winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 452

You deserved it 145

Cash me?

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 11:00 - Canada - Lakeville

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 124

By Teacher - 16/12/2015 09:10 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, I went for a soak in a mineral hot pool to relax after a stressful day teaching middle school. There were 120 middle schoolers there on a school trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 623

You deserved it 2 054

By DeeZeeMb - 07/12/2015 21:04 - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, my cat managed to digest some of the grass she ate. This makes her poop come out daisy-chained, and sometimes leaves a piece dangling from her ass on a string of grass. Then she runs around like crazy until it falls off, if possible on my bed. I had to catch her and pull it out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 077

You deserved it 2 377

DeeZeeMb tells us more.

DeeZeeMb 21

Tuesday 8 December 2015 11:20

When this happens, and it's a regular occurance, she goes crazy. She starts to run, then drops her ass on the ground and slides a little, decorating my flor with streaks of poop.

By Disappointed - 09/03/2019 18:00

Today, my brother came up with what he thought was a genius idea for how to make money. I then had to explain to him that insurance fraud is illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 387

You deserved it 180

By Anonymous - 17/03/2017 19:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, something in my shoe was bothering me at work. After about 30 minutes, I finally had a chance to fix it. There was a squashed lizard in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 922

You deserved it 540

By Adam Gordon - 30/03/2017 14:00

Today, I received a Snapchat of a horse-drawn carriage version of a hearse. I replied, "That's so extra!" because I thought it was finals week at her school. Turns out, she's at her uncle's funeral. He was an officer in the Air Force and there's going to be a 21-gun salute in his honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 185

You deserved it 2 115

By CyberHex305 - 01/04/2017 16:00

Today, I went to Men's Warehouse to pick up my tux. They mistakenly set the pick-up date for the 30th of next month. My prom is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 121

You deserved it 502

You what now?

By small dick energy - 02/05/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, I found out just how much of a psychotically insecure nitwit my boyfriend is. He flew into a screaming rage that I was only adding cucumbers to my water and my meals lately to insinuate that he has a small penis. Yeah, I’m confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 683

You deserved it 262

There you are

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, at an aunt's wake, my five year-old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 570

You deserved it 3 643

By I hear everything... - 22/04/2017 18:00

Today, I can now identify which of my four roommates is using the washroom, based on their grunts. I just love having a bedroom beside the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 094

You deserved it 307

By eeh - 07/05/2009 14:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 658

You deserved it 103 538

By Liz - 30/04/2017 21:00 - Colombia - Bucaramanga

Today, I sent a message to my boyfriend saying that I missed him and love him very much. When I received a response, saying that he loved me and missed me too, I noticed that I had accidentally texted my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 707

You deserved it 5 303

TMI mom!

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 16:00

Spicy

Today, my drunk mom informed me that out of all my potential brothers and sisters she’s swallowed over the years she’s "glad" I’m the one she "accidentally drooled onto her crotch, swam up her fanny and invaded" her "virgin egg." This kind of shit is why I moved out at 16 and still have a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 155

Gross

By seriously_CAT - 21/10/2015 02:26

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "There's no such thing as bacteria in food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 1 628

Catch 22

By Jobless - 10/12/2016 03:35

Today I was fired from my job. They fired me because they couldn't work around my college schedule. The only reason they hired me was because they were looking for college students and without a job I can't go back to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 339

You deserved it 617

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Today, while at a school anti-drugs assembly, the speaker asked everyone to stand up if they knew someone who had died of an overdose. As I stood up, my friend hit me in the side, making me laugh. I stood frozen under accusing glares while the speaker bitched me out for a good 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 463

You deserved it 12 776

Today, a cute new guy I always run into at work hit on me. Turns out he's only 18. I'm old enough to be his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 371

You deserved it 4 073

Today, after my at-the-time partner got in a car wreck with minimal injuries, I drove two hours and got a week off classes to take care of them on hand and foot, they are currently my platonic roommate and I nearly broke my foot… and they keep acting annoyed when I ask for something because I can't walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 271

Today, on the bright side, my boobs grew a size. Unfortunately, this was only after bed bugs decided to attack my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 779

You deserved it 3 198

Today, my computer decided to upgrade to Windows 11, moments before I presented to dozens of people. I had to go solely by memory with no notes, graphs, or illustrations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 122

Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 881

You deserved it 17 236