The Top

OP here: 1. To the gentleman (or gentlewoman, didn't bother to check) who said I stole her little boy, no that would be girl. So yeah there is that. 2. I don't hate my mother-in-law nor does she hate me. Hell her family treats me better than my own. Now let me get on with the back story: We we're out there (in Texas from Arizona) due to my Mother-in-law getting remarried. We got a call that one of my in-laws was broken down and needed help, so I got up to help. I asked my mother-in-law if she could put my laptop and charger away. She told me I didn't have to worry, the dogs wouldn't chew it up etc but she would put it up. It's not a big deal apart from the fact they live in a small town in Texas and it's a bit of a drive to get to a store with new cords. With wedding preparations and all that, wasn't an option right away to get a new one. Hope that clears up some confusion though I'm sure I just created more. (Also this is my first posted FML, yay)

By Stressed dad - 18/07/2017 20:00

Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 112

You deserved it 1 043

By MenstrualCrampsRuinedMyAcademicFuture - 25/07/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I vomitted on an Oxford professor during my first university interview. They called me "little miss nervous" in my second interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 212

You deserved it 565

By Alice - 30/08/2015 12:13 - United States - Logan

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 604

You deserved it 3 295

Say hello to my plastic friend!

By Pandathepilot - 10/11/2017 15:00

Today, my principal made me visit "anti-violence" classes because I had a picture of me threatening a man with a gun on my Facebook page. It was taken during the school play, where I was acting as a gangster and the gun was just a toy. The principal saw the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 667

You deserved it 338

By Lisbeth - 07/01/2018 19:30 - Canada - Mascouche

Today, I was cleaning up the kitchen after a nice cozy dinner with my boyfriend at his parents' country house. I picked up the bottle of olive oil we'd used for cooking and spotted two dead mice in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 346

You deserved it 532

Fact of scratching

By Anonymous - 24/01/2020 14:00

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 426

You deserved it 310

By Anonymous - 27/04/2018 20:30

Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child said, "My mom drinks wine and lays down." I don't drink alcohol, although at times I drink juice in a wine glass. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 825

You deserved it 651

By GeesLouisee - 01/05/2018 15:00

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 841

You deserved it 541

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 15:48 - United States - Nashville

Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 048

You deserved it 4 730

Gimme the Vicodin

By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 17:30

Today, my mother-in-law flushed my pain medicine because she believes I’ve been using it too long and I’m addicted. I had surgery four days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 821

You deserved it 162

By notagoodtime - 06/02/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 023

You deserved it 5 150

By Elizabeth Ann - 19/11/2018 12:00

Today, I no longer need an alarm clock. My cat has learned to jump on my boobs at precisely 7:30 every morning. If I don't get up immediately, she just keeps jumping on my boobs. I'm an E cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 662

You deserved it 391

By fuckoffgramps - 24/01/2016 17:10 - United States - New Freedom

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 601

You deserved it 2 271

By whattheactualfuck - 22/01/2016 12:50 - South Africa - Durban

Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 868

You deserved it 3 411

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 19:58 - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 644

You deserved it 2 185

By anon - 05/12/2015 00:32 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 153

You deserved it 2 836

By Crabby - 30/03/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Clitheroe

Today, I had to face up to telling the cute guy I just split up with that I have also probably given him pubic lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 425

You deserved it 6 325

By Lola - 15/05/2017 21:00 - Uruguay

Today, I met my boyfriend's family. I thought everything was going well until I went to the bathroom and overheard his family tell him he could have found something better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 858

You deserved it 284

By StillGagging - 26/05/2017 12:03

Today, a man came into the library where I work with a bag. He told me the bag was full of bugs he found in and around his toilet, and demanded that I help identify them. He then added, "They might be parasites. They're all over the bathroom, but I got the toilet ones here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 150

You deserved it 305

coffeecoffeecoffee tells us more.

coffeecoffeecoffee 4

Thursday 25 May 2017 20:53

Hi! OP here! These comments are really making me laugh! Thank you! I told the man he couldn't have the bugs in the building, which resulted in him yelling at me saying I was "no help". He didn't want a real "bug professional" to look at them, because it would cost too much money. I ended up getting my manager, who (thankfully) made the man (and his "pets") leave the building. You could say I was bugging out over the whole thing. Ugh.

Great plan. Solid.

By Monagro - 14/09/2017 07:00 - United States - New York

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me to propose by telling me that the sooner we get married, the sooner she'll get pregnant and hence the sooner we can eat the placenta. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 097

You deserved it 394

By nes0385 - 27/08/2016 16:06 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after months of eating lunch with my best friend, going to Barnes and Noble, and having to poop while I was there, I realized I've trained myself to have to poop every single time I step into a Barnes and Noble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 888

You deserved it 2 064

nes0385 tells us more.

nes0385 5

Monday 29 August 2016 19:13

OP here! I so didn't think this was going to make it! But I loved reading all your comments! And yes I do read FML while I'm doing my business at Barnes and Noble lol