The Top

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By anonymous - 31/01/2013 04:02 - Canada - Fergus

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 646

You deserved it 28 901

By Anonymous - 12/06/2016 12:37 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 640

You deserved it 2 195

By rainonmyparade - 17/03/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 727

You deserved it 3 592

By Vegetarian - 14/03/2010 10:21 - Finland

Today, I found out that the so-called vegetarian soy sauce my mom has made for me several times has minced meat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 272

You deserved it 13 519

By anonymous - 05/03/2011 05:34 - France

Today, I found out the hard way that if you think a waiter is hot, you probably shouldn't tell your parents. They could react by screaming at him across the room to tell him you think he's a hottie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 907

You deserved it 16 361

Slow day

By lion2294 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Laingsburg

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 924

You deserved it 7 437

By zzfreakshow - 15/10/2013 00:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 856

You deserved it 5 049

By diamondsareforever - 18/07/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 382

You deserved it 3 375

Bad influence

By Anonymous - 22/01/2015 18:27 - United States - Katy

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 303

You deserved it 3 191

By CD. - 11/01/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my mom explained the benefits of douching to me with my boyfriend right there. He began arguing with her about how the vagina is usually self-cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 133

You deserved it 2 620

What is going on?

By Jade - 22/08/2013 00:09 - United States - Reseda

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 110

You deserved it 3 983

Hide and seek champion

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 9 877

RIP

By anonya - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Madera

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 227

You deserved it 3 182

By ET - 21/12/2015 23:30 - United States - Glendale

Today, I was at a small secret Santa with a group of friends. Everyone got each other some amazing gifts, the first person got a homemade self portrait, the second person got some professional grade playing cards, the third person got an album of past memories, and I got a pack of pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 564

You deserved it 1 749

By myl1f3isfuct - 11/07/2013 00:15 - United States

Today, my college English teacher told me if I wanted an explanation for my grade I would have to schedule a conference to come to her office. It's an online class. I took an online class because I can't come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 451

You deserved it 4 395

Was that really necessary?

By dayum - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Mexico

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did I remembered there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper; he never did, and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 545

You deserved it 5 814

Orange river splashing

By nightwalker2253 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Orange

Today, I was floating on a river with some friends when I accidentally splashed one of their girlfriends in the face. She started crying and everyone gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the trip. We are all 26 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 887

You deserved it 2 514

By lacucarcha - 15/10/2015 21:47 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, my boyfriend flamboyantly proposed to me in a packed restaurant. I promptly had a panic attack and fainted in front of at least fifty people and a full mariachi band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 109

You deserved it 2 295

By sofakingweetodit - 18/10/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath and Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 669

You deserved it 34 779

Terrified

By busmonster - 12/09/2015 00:32 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 156

You deserved it 22 437

The internet's busiest music nerd

By dillon - 01/07/2014 04:12 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I watched a YouTube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 344

You deserved it 11 080

By fmyjob - 02/11/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 979

You deserved it 2 350

The nickname that sticks

By boobswerehere - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Reno

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 991

You deserved it 1 584

Oops

By nickname - 14/09/2009 09:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face, I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice, I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 962

You deserved it 35 297

By badhairday - 04/09/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 859

You deserved it 3 425

By Crombinator - 01/05/2015 05:30 - United States - Estacada

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 426

You deserved it 4 042

By K - 16/02/2011 02:40 - United States

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 564

You deserved it 2 832

Vibe check: strong crystal mom energy

By me. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's response to my question about where our relationship was going was, "Let me check what my Celtic Runes have to say about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 784

You deserved it 4 123

By swana99 - 04/09/2013 20:39 - United States - Woburn

Today, I went to my first class of the year. The first thing the teacher said was, "I hate this f*cking school." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 399

You deserved it 3 109

Good job

By Anonymous - 11/01/2010 18:08 - United States

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 103

You deserved it 3 627

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The Top

Today, an old lady savagely shoved me out of a queue, after I'd been waiting for twenty minutes. I couldn't bring myself to fight back or say anything, and ended up dragging my sorry arse to the back of the queue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 440

You deserved it 14 857

Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 024

You deserved it 974

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 183

You deserved it 5 548

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 962

You deserved it 76 284

Today, I started recording my piano exam pieces to submit, and I was proud at my interpretation that I spent time trying to make it sound good. That was until my tutor walked in and said I had "shit rhythm and ass intonation." My mom was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 114

Today, at the gym, a guy yelled at me to stop lifting more than his son, because I was embarrassing him by being a girl and lifting more. His son must have been 15 and I almost qualified for the Olympics, but sure I’ll hold back to spare the feelings of a misogynistic 15 year-old little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 325

You deserved it 195