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By gtrs750 - 09/08/2009 13:48 - Canada

Today, I gathered both mine and my girlfriend's families secretly to a restaurant. I paid the restaurant to play romantic music, and paid for the best table available. As soon as we finished our meal, our families gathered around and I proposed. She laughed and said no way. FML

agreeclassic 105 350

vote type 1 8 812

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

agreeclassic 18 890

vote type 1 20 854

By allwaysbuggedinheaven - 07/07/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

agreeclassic 61 405

vote type 1 3 695

By Username - 08/01/2011 07:01 - United States

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

agreeclassic 25 939

vote type 1 44 406

By Blood on my hands - 07/08/2013 05:40 - United States

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

agreeclassic 53 175

vote type 1 25 761

By wastedbaby - 04/07/2011 02:02 - United States

Today, I was watching a home video of when my mom was pregnant with me. She had a beer in her hand. FML

agreeclassic 46 755

vote type 1 3 769

By alealovespurple - 16/08/2009 20:04 - Canada

Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 53 881

vote type 1 17 235

By asshole - 02/10/2009 05:34 - United States

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

agreeclassic 40 202

vote type 1 12 461

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

agreeclassic 40 695

vote type 1 7 604

By crashednowcrushed - 26/04/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML

agreeclassic 58 367

vote type 1 14 858

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

agreeclassic 143 636

vote type 1 16 458

By MJjunior - 31/08/2011 16:04 - Australia

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

agreeclassic 47 530

vote type 1 13 287

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 22:39 - Dominican Republic

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, waterproof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

agreeclassic 40 767

vote type 1 7 202

By hipprep83 - 20/03/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML

agreeclassic 513

vote type 1 64

By Danou - 28/03/2011 13:51 - France

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

agreeclassic 32 121

vote type 1 58 678

By hdat - 11/06/2009 17:51 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

agreeclassic 72 966

vote type 1 16 221

By Anonymous - 03/06/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was riding on my bike when a guy on the street shouted, "I LOVE YOU!" at me. I recently told my boyfriend I loved him, and his response was, "I don't love you but I won't treat you any differently." Perverts on the street love me, but my boyfriend doesn't. FML

agreeclassic 54 650

vote type 1 5 594

By WhatTheFaf - 01/09/2011 14:40 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum yelled at me for wanting to apply to university courses that she doesn't approve of. I'm applying for Biomedical Sciences and Microbiology, she's an unemployed Jehovah's Witness. FML

agreeclassic 40 049

vote type 1 2 975

By 12incher - 15/03/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

agreeclassic 83 639

vote type 1 42 736

By poorgirl - 17/05/2016 13:03 - United States

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

agreeclassic 18 369

vote type 1 1 723

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 17:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

agreeclassic 32 832

vote type 1 3 074

Denied!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I swam in a race against all of the girls in the midwest in the hardest, longest, most grueling race you can swim. I won. Happy but so tired I could barely move, I looked up to see my time. I had been disqualified. For flinching. Before the race started. FML

agreeclassic 85 404

vote type 1 6 735

By Jessica - 19/03/2011 21:13 - Romania

Today, at 21 years of age, my doctor confirmed that I am, indeed, going bald. It wouldn't be such a bad thing, even expected, if I wasn't a woman. FML

agreeclassic 46 455

vote type 1 3 484

By Kay - 23/02/2010 20:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I was looking down at my chest and noticed the hairs growing upon it. For a 16 year old, it's pretty impressive. It's a shame that I'm a girl though. FML

agreeclassic 39 530

vote type 1 3 309

Bad start to the day

By Concussed - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

agreeclassic 53 060

vote type 1 6 140

By Curt - 06/09/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

agreeclassic 64 921

vote type 1 9 410

By 11niko - 02/02/2012 04:57 - United States

Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butthole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML

agreeclassic 24 092

vote type 1 7 026

By Cheater_Cheater_Pumpkin_Eater - 28/01/2010 17:27 - United States

Today, my best friend became my ex-best friend. I have finally gotten over the guy she stole from me a year ago and have developed a crush on another guy. My best friend called me today to tell me that she broke up with the first guy and is now going out with my current crush. FML

agreeclassic 41 194

vote type 1 5 041

By Lauraborealous - 05/09/2012 18:27 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, I'm so broke that I hand-washed my socks with a bar of soap that I stole from work. FML

agreeclassic 30 450

vote type 1 3 112

Lauraborealous app_comment_confession_title

Lauraborealous 4

Friday 7 September 2012 6:39

for those saying that I should have stolen laundry soap or similar, i work at a restaurant, this wouldn't be possible

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 12:43 - Australia

Today, I got a new laptop for Christmas. The picture on the box showed a woman balancing it on one finger to show how light it was, so I tried it myself. I dropped my laptop, breaking the hard drive and putting a massive crack down the screen. FML

agreeclassic 8 026

vote type 1 100 629

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Today, I spent over $160 and 2 hours preparing for a Halloween party I was throwing. The only person who showed up was my sister, who helped me decorate. FML

agreeclassic 37 157

vote type 1 4 331

Today, I learned that the gong my job installed less than 30 feet from my desk is being moved, due to noise complaints. To the office building I'm moving to in a few weeks. FML

agreeclassic 1 574

vote type 1 146

Today, I started my period, complete with cramps, diarrhoea, a headache, bloating, and aching legs. Apparently my body didn't get the message that I had a total hysterectomy a month ago, including my ovaries, tubes and cervix. FML

agreeclassic 1 081

vote type 1 121

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

agreeclassic 40 401

vote type 1 7 768

Today, on our drive down to California to work on a contract worth 20k with my husband (we own our business and work together), he refused to spend $50 on RV parking, so we didn't get to sleep all night, all because it was hot and the rest-stop was scary. We have two young kids and a dog. FML

agreeclassic 472

vote type 1 115

Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML

agreeclassic 33 967

vote type 1 3 098