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Nice try

By fyourlife - 21/10/2009 19:53 - United States

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said, "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?" I said, "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?" She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 901

You deserved it 37 247

By steppppphhhhhh - 09/04/2013 08:18 - United States - Pacifica

Today, I got called an "evil Nazi bitch" because I let a customer know that this is the last day our store will have free plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 866

You deserved it 3 501

By Alyssa - 31/03/2012 18:53 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 551

You deserved it 2 509

Sorry!

By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 14:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 323

You deserved it 4 932

By oh no - 22/06/2015 20:58 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 498

You deserved it 5 301

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 07:02

Today, I was let go from work because they need "younger people". I'm 19 and I work at a flower market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 616

You deserved it 3 330

By jking2z - 13/03/2015 22:39 - United States

Today, I tried to boycott an 80's theme party by wearing my regular clothes. Everyone said they loved my costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 404

You deserved it 19 686

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 10:41 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 242

You deserved it 1 922

Empathy

By kumcat - 11/01/2015 05:57 - United States - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply, "#rekt", then, "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 989

You deserved it 3 985

Method acting

By hannahk267 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 624

You deserved it 4 499

Sneeeeek!

By blindsparrow - 18/11/2014 05:35 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 410

You deserved it 2 951

By Peter - 25/11/2010 10:25

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 898

You deserved it 2 851

Spooked

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 05:08

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 810

You deserved it 6 783

By Forever Alone - 03/07/2013 04:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 823

You deserved it 3 700

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 152

You deserved it 4 931

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 18:21 - United States

Today, I got a mass text message from a friend saying she's sorry she can't meet up with our group of friends for drinks because she's busy tonight. This is the first I've heard of any bar-crawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 438

You deserved it 2 602

By sam_666777 - 30/08/2014 02:54 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 072

You deserved it 10 417

Nice

By notestojenn - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Manchester

Today, I walked into my roommate's room to ask him a question, only to see a pitcher with over a pint of urine in it sitting on his bookcase. This is at least the fifth conversation in a year I've had with him about not peeing in containers in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 387

You deserved it 2 160

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 06:13 - Singapore

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 788

You deserved it 3 842

By JACKxRAWR - 18/05/2013 09:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a slip through my door saying that the package I'd ordered couldn't be delivered today because no-one was home to sign for it. I got the slip just in time to watch the guy who put it through my letterbox get in his van, look me in the eye and drive off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 718

You deserved it 3 955

JACKxRAWR tells us more.

JACKxRAWR 22

Saturday 18 May 2013 17:22

OP here. The bastard didn't even knock and left the package in a post office the other side of town, even though I live five minutes from a sorting office.

By SkySkyChan - 08/11/2009 10:36 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with the guy I have been in love with for a long time. I laid my head on his shoulder and he held my hand throughout the movie. Afterwards he asked me for advice on the girl he likes. Apparently she isn't talking to him anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 377

You deserved it 3 296

SkySkyChan tells us more.

SkySkyChan 4

Tuesday 6 December 2011 5:08

OP Here- I love you people, speculating on people's lives like you know something. This is really old now, but I figured I'd give an update. We got together the following February, and are very happy where we're at now. C: So thanks ya'll for the input, though most of it was unnecessary. I know what love is, do you?

She said yes!

By it's shitty, yeah, stfu - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Sweden - Trollhättan

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 040

You deserved it 2 750

Read the room

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 09:11 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend suddenly stopped in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 608

You deserved it 3 707

No

By grlks - 19/02/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 124

You deserved it 5 892

By Arachnofail - 08/04/2016 04:16 - France - Goussainville

Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 134

By I am not amused! - 03/11/2013 22:53 - United Kingdom - Andover

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 540

You deserved it 3 648

By _/ | \_ - 06/10/2013 17:40 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 450

You deserved it 3 809

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 02:43 - United States - Boston

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 082

You deserved it 3 785

By kimm1993 - 03/08/2013 04:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 711

You deserved it 8 470

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, I was at work and a lady screamed at my manager for about 15 minutes, saying I needed to be fired because I couldn't get rid of all the flies buzzing around her food. She was the one who chose to eat on our patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 317

You deserved it 2 511

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The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend changed his relationship status on Facebook to "Single" and his status to "I'm not kidding, leave your key on the counter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 592

You deserved it 4 022

Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my Mii knocked out her Mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one-player mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 962

You deserved it 4 903

Today, tired and hungover, I missed my bus, tried to walk to the train station, got lost, got soaked in the rain, got huge blisters, and had to be picked up because I was late for work. I got in, drenched, tired, and cold only to be told there was "nothing to be done." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 017

You deserved it 10 513

Today, while going for a walk, I saw two bunnies next to the road. Apparently, I was scarier than the oncoming traffic, because one of them decided to sprint into the road as I walked by. I could hear its bones crunch as it got hit by a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 004

You deserved it 2 950

Today, I went for my first morning run in years. I made it half a block before tripping over nothing and face-planting in front of a dog walker. The dog looked genuinely concerned. The walker didn’t. She just snorted and carried on walking the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 115

Today, I was babysitting my young cousins who are obsessed with Narnia. So to appease them, we checked every closet in the house. We never did find Narnia, but we did find sex toys. Lots of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 704

You deserved it 2 812