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By GroosedOut - 20/08/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 629

You deserved it 5 416

By Moose - 07/12/2012 17:06 - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 601

You deserved it 31 507

By promposer - 04/04/2016 18:55 - United States - Dobbs Ferry

Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 656

You deserved it 4 510

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 13:43 - United States - Romulus

Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 866

You deserved it 4 743

By an adorable devil - 21/03/2016 06:52 - United States - Houston

Today, my new bunny decided she is only going to eat carrots. If I put anything else in her food bowl, she viciously attacks the bowl until all of the food has spilled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 716

You deserved it 2 106

By Amber - 10/01/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, I found out why my bathroom has been smelling so bad. My 10-year-old son has been peeing on the radiator, thinking it's fun to watch it steam and sizzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 172

You deserved it 3 280

Job satisfaction

By Mark - 06/01/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 133

You deserved it 4 317

On the run

By Allen - 05/01/2010 06:40 - France

Today, I was in a hurry to catch a plane. I got halfway to the airport when I realized I'd forgotten my phone. I drove back to the house and searched for it. I finally gave up and returned to the airport, only to find that I was 10 minutes late for my plane. Just then, my pocket vibrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 933

You deserved it 40 543

Relaxing

By juliannamelissa - 06/09/2012 06:38 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 327

You deserved it 9 617

By Anonymous - 16/12/2015 04:04 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my husband came home from a six-month business trip. When I saw him, I hugged and kissed him. My grandma started calling me a slutty whore, and told us we were a disgrace to our family, while trying to hit him with her cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 612

You deserved it 1 630

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 01:03 - United States - La Grande

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 788

You deserved it 3 429

By boogerbrain - 09/12/2009 21:06 - United States

Today, I was looking at my wedding pictures I had just ordered and I tried to flick something off one of the pictures, but it wouldn't come off. In a panic I quickly looked through all of my pictures and realized that I had a booger sticking out of my nose. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 155

You deserved it 4 194

No thanks

By SadIndianLife - 15/11/2015 21:00 - India - Delhi

Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 498

You deserved it 2 259

By Aaron Lewis - 07/07/2012 05:01 - United States - Topeka

Today, I bumped into a man on the street. I apologized and he picked up his wallet. To clear the awkward silence, I pointed out that his wallet looked like mine. It wasn't until I was on the next street that I realized it was my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 364

You deserved it 10 773

By Anonymous - 03/11/2015 17:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 253

You deserved it 1 832

By Alisterine - 24/08/2014 17:31 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 253

You deserved it 14 645

Pranked

By fucker43 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend made the effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 143

You deserved it 4 795

By Tired - 20/03/2013 20:26 - United States

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 944

You deserved it 5 397

By WhyIHateTeachers - 25/06/2015 03:49 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I submitted a poem for my English class. I had fun writing it, so I wrote a second which was not nearly as good. My procrastinator of a friend never did his, so I gave him my extra poem. Mine was given a 75% while "his" received a 93%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 240

You deserved it 9 180

Sorry…

By Iamsosorry - 22/06/2015 11:35 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 514

You deserved it 4 147

Karen moment

By dumbwifehappylife - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Woodbine

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 745

You deserved it 5 070

By tftm - 05/01/2013 05:37 - United States - Elmhurst

Spicy

Today, my uncle keeps spamming me on Facebook with friend suggestions. Most of them are people he met on porn sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 406

You deserved it 2 150

By iltdtsm - 15/08/2009 16:58 - Canada

Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 239

You deserved it 3 269

By AwkwardPartyBear - 17/09/2013 21:27 - United States - Riverview

Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 161

You deserved it 7 426

AwkwardPartyBear tells us more.

AwkwardPartyBear 24

Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:03

I feel that I should have explained a bit further about the trip. A group and I went for charity causes (sort of like a Meals on Wheels world tour donation- just with a group). We could have shipped goods, but as someone said in the group, "it took out the adventure in the purpose". Although, we didn't explore as much as we meant to.. and instead donated/volunteered in different charity events throughout the year in different cities/countries. I'm happy among the fact that we helped the cause, but it was not much of a world-adventure as some FML commenters picture it. But I did buy a shitload of Twinkies and embarrassed myself hugging the boxes while crying rivers in the middle of the gas station.

By Ryan - 18/12/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 573

You deserved it 10 938

By thewallrules - 05/12/2009 14:10 - United States

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 002

You deserved it 3 455

By Anonymous - 27/07/2014 16:13 - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 451

You deserved it 3 093

By alexo - 23/05/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 239

You deserved it 2 545

By laxie - 27/10/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 231

You deserved it 3 914

By fmlman - 15/03/2013 05:44 - United States - Rawlins

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 402

You deserved it 6 392

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Today, I came home to find out my roommate had sex in my bed, because he didn't want his date to know he has a smaller bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 073

You deserved it 160

Today, someone finally pointed out that my 'Out of Office' message has been on for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 822

Today, it's my 18th birthday. As I moved out of home to study, and currently spend 95% of my wage on rent, I asked my mother for any amount of money as my gift. I desperately need new shoes and underwear, and haven't eaten for two days. Instead, I got a pair of earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 948

You deserved it 580

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 541

You deserved it 6 760

Today, my school announced its senior motto for the year. For the second year in a row, it's "YOLO". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 014

You deserved it 5 879

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 346

You deserved it 17 398