By Amber C - 07/04/2012 03:41 - United States
The Top
By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 16:39 - United States
By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 23:32 - Ireland
By suspended - 31/07/2016 15:39 - United States - Grand Blanc
Teenagers…
By why the fuck would you do that - 25/02/2013 02:57 - United States - Phoenix
By serverdessert - 08/03/2009 21:02 - United States
By Anonymous - 25/04/2015 07:30 - Canada - Delta
Small talk
By livvlynette - 27/02/2010 10:15 - Australia
By Anonymous - 12/11/2013 23:56 - United States - Westminster
By Mommycakes - 03/03/2015 13:14 - United States - Apache Junction
Mommycakes tells us more.
By Blaphlafagus - 01/11/2013 01:16 - United States - Killeen
Blaphlafagus tells us more.
Kinda awkward that I play the saxophone as my main instrument... Ok story time, so I was sitting there in my Music Theory class just messing around because it was near the end of the period and one of my friends brought this instrument thing called a Jew's Harp or Jaw Harp. They said it plays by vibrating your teeth or something so, not thinking clearly, put it directly against my teeth and pulled the thing back really far and let it loose. I have no clue what I was thinking at the time. Luckily I'll go to the dentist on Monday and get it all nice and pretty again.
By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 21:06 - United States - Los Angeles
It's all in the timing
By laststand11 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
That kidnapped kink
By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09
Let me out!
By Archie - 07/01/2010 08:31 - United States
By nocongratsneeded - 04/11/2015 03:23 - United States - Bloomfield Hills
nocongratsneeded tells us more.
Hi all, this is the OP. Obviously, he's my ex, even though he doesn't seem to realize it yet to judge by the texts and phone calls. To give a little more background, we'd been together for almost three years. We were talking about moving in together (but not getting married, I've seen too many of my friends get divorced already). To really prove that the universe hates me, he and I were still using condoms, because I am that freaked out about pregnancy and I can't take hormonal BC. This is the first time ever I've had one break. I'm sure I'm going to catch a lot of flak for this, but I have scheduled an abortion for the end of this week. It's not a human or a potential one to me, it's just a burden and reminder that former relationship was based on a big fat lie. Plus, being pregnant makes me even more anxious than the thought of being pregnant ever did, and I was full-on tokophobic before. Every time I think about having my body being overtaken by some disgusting little alien creature, my heart starts pounding and I get dizzy. I don't know how many times I've thrown up on cue just thinking about it, and it's not from morning sickness. I also really, really, really dislike babies, contrary to my ex's assumptions. I had one shoved at me when I was a teenager, and I nearly dropped it because everything about it terrified me. I don't think it's a good idea to just hope that those maternal hormones kick in and make me suddenly like kids when I haven't since as long as I can remember. So...no congratulations needed, and no pro-life or pro-adoption rants, either. If you'd find it in your heart to suck it up and make the best of this situation, good for you. The best situation for me is to put everything about this horrible experience behind me as soon as possible.
By confidence taken - 23/08/2014 06:26 - United States - Bay Springs
The customer is always an ass
By muffins - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Potomac
Supportive
By Anonymous - 07/10/2009 21:16 - United States
We need to talk…
By HeatherRosure18 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Glendale Heights
By Tired - 02/10/2013 16:22 - United Kingdom - Bexhill
By tinaburrito - 26/01/2010 21:33 - France
Nostradamus
By johnnyfuckfacer - 18/10/2012 19:40 - Canada - Concord
By Jumja - 15/01/2010 11:37 - Netherlands
By thechaos - 15/12/2014 22:24 - United States - Pittsfield
By konacoffee17 - 14/12/2014 05:15 - United States - Portland
By Tag - 24/09/2014 01:19 - Australia
Quite the misunderstanding
By Janer88 - 30/11/2009 05:51 - Canada
Mystery turd
By Oddity_C - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States
By charlie043 - 11/09/2010 00:39 - United States
Keywords
Just a quick reassurance, Tyler is my other son. Thanks for the support!