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By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 23:05 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was holding our weekly poker game with a few work buddies. My psychotic, live-in mother-in-law wasted no time jumping into the game, cheating me out of $150, my new wristwatch, and what little pride I had left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 147

You deserved it 10 608

By SakuraFubuki92 - 12/03/2012 02:13 - United States

Today, I moved out of my apartment by the highway and airport, and into a new place below people who blast loud music, stomp their feet, and slam doors throughout the night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 130

You deserved it 2 743

SakuraFubuki92 tells us more.

SakuraFubuki92 12

Monday 12 March 2012 7:49

Well, I get disability because I can't walk well and am really sick so I barely make enough to put up my part of the rent, let alone move. My best friend/roommate has already complained.

By Lauren324 - 26/01/2013 07:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 304

You deserved it 7 970

Lauren324 tells us more.

Lauren324 18

Sunday 27 January 2013 4:46

Actually I've been with him for 3 years now... It's a mutual thing with us, we both pleasure each other like that equally, I think that's why he was bummed out. Usually it's everyday with us....

By Anonymous - 10/01/2013 06:13 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 464

You deserved it 3 045

Ouch

By billy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 243

You deserved it 5 442

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 00:25 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 668

You deserved it 3 196

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 21:26 - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 016

You deserved it 2 797

By DocBastard, meet DocCunt - 18/10/2013 22:12 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 209

You deserved it 3 538

Not now

By anonymous - 02/02/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Right before I was about to climax, he asks, "Do you remember when you bought the homeless guy with one leg a hot dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 371

You deserved it 4 724

By annoyed - 28/08/2012 17:50 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I finally picked up my new bank card after my old one was stolen. It took the bank six weeks and five separate orders to figure it out, on top of which they've charged me a rush fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 256

You deserved it 1 916

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 130

You deserved it 4 699

By busted - 02/08/2012 06:53 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 361

You deserved it 18 657

Pleased to meet you

By Eww - 05/10/2014 17:48 - United States - Salem

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 075

You deserved it 3 148

Suspicious activities

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was going home with the tomato plant I just bought in my cup holder. The smell of it was filling the car and I love the smell so I picked it up and took a wiff. A few moments later I got pulled over. Apparantly, the cop saw me sniff it and thought I was smelling a marijuana plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 894

You deserved it 8 586

By tinydancer - 10/05/2012 18:10 - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 250

You deserved it 5 246

By Smooth - 11/04/2009 07:38 - United States

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 375

You deserved it 112 483

By Recon - 17/03/2009 12:16 - Switzerland

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 761

You deserved it 8 425

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 13:04 - Israel

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 892

You deserved it 6 293

Don't dick around with those guys

By Cuntface McGee - 21/02/2014 21:37 - Romania - Dej

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 942

You deserved it 18 654

By Swaby - 01/03/2009 08:14 - Hong Kong

Today, I found out I could not go to the Philippines because I have never had Chicken Pox. The school took the radical decision to prohibit students who have never had Chicken Pox to leave the college. I am condemned to stay in Hong Kong in some shitty project because I am a healthy young man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 106

You deserved it 4 478

By mac - 27/01/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 445

You deserved it 4 379

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 01:29 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 52 600

You deserved it 5 767

By Crashed - 01/01/2014 18:21 - United States - Evans

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 490

You deserved it 5 346

By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 17:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 465

You deserved it 65 640

Woof

By rimjob - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 946

You deserved it 43 599

By bensim64 - 10/01/2015 16:35 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I had to go back to the restaurant I had just eaten at and beg for my tip back so I could afford my bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 391

You deserved it 11 640

bensim64 tells us more.

bensim64 12

Sunday 11 January 2015 3:23

Hi, as the author I just wanted to clear this up. I'm not cold or heartless, but I forgot my Oyster card (what you need to get a bus home in England) and had given my last bit of change for the tip! I was hugely embarrassed as I always tip (although not mandatory in Britain as in America; mostly because American staff are for more helpful and nice). However, as I do go there fairly often, I will obviously tip more next time!

By be_so_slick_56 - 16/01/2010 17:51 - United States

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 198

You deserved it 7 839

By Oh_So_Klassical - 18/09/2012 01:09 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my mom turned off all internet access in our house because she thought I spent too much time on the computer. She later asked me why she couldn't get on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 224

You deserved it 2 214

Oh_So_Klassical tells us more.

Oh_So_Klassical 18

Tuesday 18 September 2012 14:37

OP Here, and I spend up to 3 hours a day on the computer because I take a computer class and all the homework is online and that's why she turned it off. She called our provider and told them to turn it off, since she didn't know how. I didn't find out until I came home and attempted to do my homework, and by that point, my mom was in a fuss about not being able to get on Facebook. And since I'm her daughter, and clearly know nothing, she refused to believe me. My neighbor is the one who finally convinced her the internet was needed for Facebook.