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By MarkQ95 - 21/07/2013 23:58 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 850

You deserved it 59 814

The struggle is real

By nitemastr15 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fort Worth

Today, while shopping for Black Friday, I got in line, hoping to get an Xbox One. I spent so long mistakenly standing in line for the bathroom that the store had sold out by the time I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 066

You deserved it 14 791

nitemastr15 tells us more.

nitemastr15 17

Tuesday 30 August 2016 6:06

Ok guys, OP here. Just to clarify, me and my brother each decided that I would get the PS4 and he would get the X-box One. He didn't have the money for his when I had the money for mine and he was really bummed out so I decided I was going to buy the console he wanted with my money and wait for my PS4. Fortunately though, he received an X-box One from his girlfriend the next day so it's actually a good thing I didn't end up being able to get one.

By Sarah - 19/10/2010 23:06 - United States

Today, I finally quit the job that I've been complaining about. Before I could tell my husband, he informed me that he had been laid off, and was thankful we still had my income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 687

You deserved it 17 278

Roll with it

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom rolled up the car window on my fingers. She thought my yelling and crying was because I was throwing a tantrum. I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 834

You deserved it 4 089

Misunderstood

By Lonely - 24/07/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 608

You deserved it 9 478

Oh, the humanity

By recmonty - 17/05/2012 03:53 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 714

You deserved it 2 115

By hard_headed - 10/09/2010 10:02 - United States

Today, at work, I leaned back in a chair too far, causing me to tip over and smash my head into a wall. If that wasn't enough damage, my boss keeps replaying the security footage to everyone I work with. My head hurts not from the fall, but the loud laughter that keeps coming from inside the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 914

You deserved it 23 015

Smells like strip spirit

By m…… - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one, he responded with, "That's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 137

You deserved it 4 312

By jenni6488 - 22/02/2012 07:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 511

You deserved it 23 313

By carssuck - 02/02/2012 10:28 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 450

You deserved it 2 539

Nailed it

By anon - 21/12/2013 14:13 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 156

You deserved it 12 923

Breathtaking

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 02:45 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 630

You deserved it 5 566

By Screwed in Seattle - 05/02/2011 16:13 - United States

Today, I woke up with a migrane, so I took one of my prescription migrane pills to get me through my day. The pill made me dizzy and nauseous, so I took a motion-sickness pill. That pill gave me a migrane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 951

You deserved it 5 482

Slippin' and a slidin'

By sandra22 - 22/01/2011 08:49 - France

Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 144

You deserved it 8 358

Scammed

By FMLdude - 18/08/2013 23:23 - Australia - Bexley

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 306

You deserved it 4 986

By emileeisamazing - 03/07/2013 16:54 - United States - Coats

Today, I was chatting online with several relatives, discussing our family reunion. Bored out of my mind, I clicked to rename the conversation to "Boring shit with almost dead people." I didn't know it'd rename it for everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 008

You deserved it 70 375

emileeisamazing tells us more.

emileeisamazing 12

Thursday 4 July 2013 3:53

Love all the comments -- my family and I have very joking attitudes toward each other. I always call them "old names". They're not really old, none over 50 at least, and my siblings are both 10+ years older than me. (I'm sure you get the gist.) It was the "boring sh*t" they were offended by. Staring at a caged bear for half an hour isn't too much fun for me, but since then we did decide on zip lining now amongst other non-boring things. We did decide to keep the conversation named that if you were wondering :)

By 21! - 03/07/2012 01:53 - United States - Schenectady

Today, while walking around my college campus, I passed by a dorm where a drunk guy was peeing out one of the top floor windows while his drunk friends cheered him on. That guy is my boyfriend. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 408

You deserved it 6 853

By BrokeBride - 14/08/2014 07:15 - United States - Hudson

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 494

You deserved it 3 358

By Dobby123 - 08/11/2009 20:44 - Mexico

Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 804

You deserved it 5 459

Dobby123 tells us more.

Dobby123 0

Monday 9 November 2009 2:51

For those who don't get it, beside my desk is a table a little bit lower than the desk. When my elbow hit that, it stopped, but my head kept on going and technically my face hit my fist, although my fist also hit my face. Sorry couldn't put that in the story, we can only write 300 characters, so yeah. I still have no idea how I could've hit my face so hard I got a mark :(