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By Anonymous - 14/06/2014 06:42 - Canada - Regina

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 531

You deserved it 7 066

By Garrett - 01/10/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 023

You deserved it 46 589

By M.L. - 06/09/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 494

You deserved it 12 805

The 1970s called…

By titsmcgee - 11/02/2015 21:51 - United States - Oak Brook

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 262

You deserved it 7 077

Slipping up

By FastFlight - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter used Pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 794

You deserved it 5 153

A step too far

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 02:23 - United States

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 022

You deserved it 4 399

By pizzachest - 19/08/2011 13:11 - Canada

Today, I discovered that I won't be able to wear the dress with a low neck line that I bought for my cousin's wedding, because my older brother thought it would be funny to mix a scented body-wash that he knows makes my skin break out in hives, with my regular one. My chest looks like a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 388

You deserved it 2 853

By Mia - 20/08/2014 06:07 - United States - Astoria

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 344

You deserved it 7 263

By smartgirl - 01/05/2009 23:48 - Canada

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 587

You deserved it 5 494

Toxic

By Tiny - 29/07/2014 08:27 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I had to sit through yet another one of my mom's, "You need to grow and gain some weight!" rants. I'm 22 and she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm done growing. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting past 5'2". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 923

You deserved it 3 808

By luvs2spooge89 - 01/05/2013 14:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 903

You deserved it 76 520

Risk management

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 679

You deserved it 2 989

Smooth

By HungryGirl - 24/10/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I went to McDonald's to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 549

You deserved it 9 809

By emily074 - 23/08/2015 03:13 - United States - Salem

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 165

You deserved it 11 961

By N O - 27/05/2014 18:47 - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 406

You deserved it 6 971

By HF44 - 29/07/2015 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, during my father's funeral, I heard my mother-in-law mutter, "No loss there. Lazy cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 169

You deserved it 1 710

By Username - 21/03/2012 17:10 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 421

You deserved it 2 348

By Rach - 08/06/2010 14:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 704

You deserved it 4 396

Dream Baby Dream

By Sleepless - 03/02/2014 13:29 - Australia

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 998

You deserved it 4 290

By Noname - 20/02/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 439

You deserved it 125 083

By muffinmen1022 - 20/02/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 460

You deserved it 11 834

By yupthissucks - 13/04/2015 09:00 - United States - Newnan

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 191

You deserved it 2 794

By caseyj - 25/03/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 165

You deserved it 4 773

Take that

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 152

You deserved it 77 747

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 08:24 - United States

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 931

You deserved it 6 740

By Anonymous - 30/12/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, my doctor told me my ankle has been fractured since last week. I've been helping drywall the basement, and trying to walk up and down stairs for a week. My husband has been telling me to man up, and it's not that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 273

You deserved it 3 610

atomicgirl tells us more.

atomicgirl 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 21:04

OMG! I am the person who posted it! My husband isn't an asshole! Well not ususally! LOL We went to the doctors immediately when i did it and they thought it was just a sprain. I could NOT walk on it for 4 days, and the results just came back yesterday. I was helping around the house, but I was limping. He was making fun of me because he thought it was just a sprain. Yes, I make him sandwiches! And he makes me them too! I have a picture if you want to see it, so you'll know I'm not faking!!!!

Handy

By Employee - 07/08/2012 19:17 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 452

You deserved it 12 624

By gng2fckngkilluyoufckngfckr - 03/08/2012 18:31 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. I also found out that my best friend knew about it all along. When I confronted him, he tried to justify the betrayal by saying that she paid him to keep quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 497

You deserved it 2 004

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 15:52 - United States - Westerville

Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 656

You deserved it 2 881

Things that go bump in the… parking lot

By Lousydriver - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was about to drive out of a parking lot. The space in front of me was empty, so I figured I could drive forward. I hadn't noticed that there was a median in front, and my car got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 413

You deserved it 31 970

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 334

You deserved it 5 327

Today, to settle a bet with a friend, I took an online IQ test twice. The first time, I chose answers at random without reading the questions. The second time, I took it for real. I got a higher score from the random selections than from my serious attempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 066

You deserved it 6 235

Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 824

You deserved it 2 497

Today, I had a first date with a guy I met online. And his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 517

You deserved it 2 991

Today, I learned that the girl who severely bullied me in highschool for being a lesbian just came out as a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 77

Today, it's the third day my ring won't come off. I used soap, vegetable oil, lotion, soaked my hand in ice to make the swelling of my finger to come down, and even my mom pulled so hard she dislocated my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 267

You deserved it 5 870