The Top

I hope he wasn't too overwhelmed... I was checking out 5 items, and had a single coupon for 50 cents off one of the items. He just looked very confused when I handed him the coupon! :)

Joe Bidet

By userrrrr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 453

You deserved it 3 839

Eternity

By Anonymous - 06/04/2013 16:17 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 791

You deserved it 3 632

You tried

By dumped - 26/07/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I was in the shower and I heard my boyfriend walk in. I struck my sexiest pose and when he came in, he looked me up and down and told me, "You look like my mother." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 720

You deserved it 5 643

By Winx - 16/03/2012 07:13 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 363

You deserved it 11 719

By Bebefer - 15/03/2012 07:49 - United States

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 762

You deserved it 2 456

What the **** does this mean, dude?

By Anonymous - 16/10/2013 17:37 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 404

You deserved it 10 424

By facepalmface - 05/12/2011 14:34 - United Arab Emirates

Today, at university I was tearing off some "Help Japan" posters off the wall, figuring that they have been up for a while. Just as a group of visiting Japanese reporters passed by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 661

You deserved it 19 084

facepalmface tells us more.

facepalmface 2

Wednesday 7 December 2011 13:31

I wasn't actually "tearing" them down, I was gently pulling them off the wall to put them inside the classes instead. It was awkward nonetheless, hope this clears things up.

By Anonymous - 20/09/2012 04:14 - United States

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 421

You deserved it 29 100

By ImNotFat - 07/08/2013 06:04 - United States - Havertown

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 851

You deserved it 15 535

By Auroraen - 28/06/2013 01:23 - United States - Oswego

Today, after spending four hours cooking food for a special family dinner, I went to take a shower before they arrived. I came back out less than twenty minutes later to find most of the food gone, and a very guilty-looking puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 006

You deserved it 10 463

Auroraen tells us more.

Auroraen 8

Friday 28 June 2013 18:00

OP here. Wow. Thanks for all the nice words, guys. My "puppy" is a 120lb, 9 month old Great Dane. Her name is Lily, and she is worse than Marmaduke and Marly put together. She is a total troublemaker. I had made zucchini bread, beef stew, a bunch of sides, as well as a cake. All of it was from scratch. I had actually put one of those baby gates across the entry-way to the kitchen, and she ended up knocking it over. Next time, I think she's going in the cage while I take a shower. And btw, I did just order a pizza. Everyone had a good laugh at me. And yes, she's practically impossible to stay mad at.

By chacha - 28/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 583

You deserved it 5 543

By idontgetit - 12/06/2012 23:39 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 009

You deserved it 30 629

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 19:53 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 278

You deserved it 75 763

By Anonymous - 08/09/2010 11:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 753

You deserved it 3 246

By wtffireworks! - 26/05/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 247

You deserved it 18 532

Multitasking

By the_dog_sitter - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, I watched as a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was OK but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 012

You deserved it 25 097

Take it seriously!

By very punny - 03/09/2014 03:18 - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 694

You deserved it 6 454

It's called fashion

By anonymous - 04/05/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I went into work to set up a new store. There was a lot of lifting so I dressed casual. This happened to be the day the owner brought in his conservative family to check out the store. I was wearing a shirt that says "Everyone Poops" and has a donkey and elephant pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 445

You deserved it 60 589

By ewmomew - 12/09/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 722

You deserved it 9 391

Response times

By woahheylex - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 952

You deserved it 5 436

By ughhhh - 03/05/2014 21:10 - United States

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 720

You deserved it 7 974

By holycommander - 26/03/2013 20:20 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 675

You deserved it 5 143

By nicknick2 - 18/05/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 104

You deserved it 3 922

By Anonymous - 02/01/2014 21:50 - Puerto Rico - Arecibo

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 751

You deserved it 18 824

By left, I guess - 12/04/2015 17:00 - Canada - Antigonish

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 254

You deserved it 7 671

By catsofly7 - 30/01/2011 13:43 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at 9:00am. I left at around 8:30am, and as soon as I got in the car to drive to the interview, I checked my phone again, and it said 10:33. My boyfriend had decided to change the time on my clock as a "joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 890

You deserved it 4 505

By shitty day - 30/11/2011 10:53 - United States

Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 207

You deserved it 2 435

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was doing the laundry but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 200

You deserved it 61 010

Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 52

Today, my mom stole 18 grand from my disabled sister's trust fund to give to an online boyfriend. As a trustee, the government can go after me for what my mom did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 869

You deserved it 329

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 963

You deserved it 3 793

Today, my boyfriend says he “can’t afford” to buy some Pampers and formula for our daughter, yet he just pre-ordered the iPhone 14, and bought his weekly weed supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 563

Today, while driving, I idly started picking my nose. I looked over at the car next to me and saw a smoking hot guy from my school staring at me in disgust. He kept staring until I took a turn-off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 565

You deserved it 36 654