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By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 19:51 - Estonia

Today, I realized that not only did my parents not get me anything for Christmas, they also stole the $500 my grandparents gave me to buy a computer. FML

agreeclassic 44 128

vote type 1 2 861

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 05:28 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

agreeclassic 42 136

vote type 1 2 800

By JoeyDizz - 06/05/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

agreeclassic 18 326

vote type 1 66 727

By dumped - 27/10/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

agreeclassic 51 879

vote type 1 2 804

By samboob - 01/09/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

agreeclassic 9 116

vote type 1 44 550

By kebaby - 19/06/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

agreeclassic 345

vote type 1 191

By Goodie - 09/09/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I found out my ex bought a digital camera, an iPod, and a large flat-screen TV, all purchased with the alimony I'm paying him. FML

agreeclassic 34 797

vote type 1 7 785

Check these out

By notenough - 29/08/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

agreeclassic 47 463

vote type 1 10 107

By gaggin - 26/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

agreeclassic 56 173

vote type 1 3 988

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 18:09 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

agreeclassic 14 151

vote type 1 44 682

By CatLitterLover - 08/02/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

agreeclassic 406

vote type 1 130

By BusinessTurtle - 06/10/2012 07:49 - United States - Ames

Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find my psycho ex-girlfriend in my house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me and she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. FML

agreeclassic 35 771

vote type 1 2 466

BusinessTurtle app_comment_confession_title

BusinessTurtle 8

Saturday 6 October 2012 20:10

OP here, I've changed my locks and moved across town and I really don't want to hire a lawyer.

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 23:09

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

agreeclassic 10 861

vote type 1 37 565

By littleman - 06/04/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML

agreeclassic 31 471

vote type 1 2 989

By FsuesLife - 05/03/2010 22:02 - United Kingdom

Today, there was a flood at my friends house. As a result, their cat shelter had to be evacuated, and my mother decided to help. I came home to 23 cats in my bedroom. I'm highly allergic. My face has now swollen up to the size of a football, and I have an important job interview tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 30 738

vote type 1 2 543

FsuesLife app_comment_confession_title

FsuesLife 0

Saturday 6 March 2010 2:34

yer, I'd like to confirm that its 'soccer' ball sized my Mum knew i was allergic, but didnt realise it was that bad to #28 the Kattery is outside, theres a flood, and cats cant swim... to #17 the cats were kept on the ground floor of the house only, the cats seemed to swarm to my nice comfy bedroom, out of preference compared to the bathroom, the empty living room (re-decorating) and the locked laundry room hope this clears up any confusion/fakery claims

By ScaryBears - 09/10/2012 01:51 - United States - Trumbull

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

agreeclassic 18 169

vote type 1 32 762

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 17:35 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

agreeclassic 43 664

vote type 1 5 988

By sickened - 21/09/2014 18:23 - United Kingdom - Gateshead

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

agreeclassic 39 851

vote type 1 8 339

By pooped - 13/05/2009 09:49 - China

Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML

agreeclassic 72 057

vote type 1 5 874

By Anonymous - 27/10/2014 06:01 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML

agreeclassic 50 029

vote type 1 5 192

By Ladycakes - 04/06/2012 10:13 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

agreeclassic 23 856

vote type 1 6 932

By maebyf - 31/08/2010 14:48 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

agreeclassic 44 008

vote type 1 8 384

By tay - 10/04/2012 11:13 - Australia

Today, I found out that my mother is extremely emotional when it comes to animal deaths when a bird flew into the window and died, and she insisted we have a funeral. FML

agreeclassic 23 655

vote type 1 3 603

By nV1ous - 17/09/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

agreeclassic 14 117

vote type 1 57 020

By notsohappy - 18/02/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

agreeclassic 118 980

vote type 1 11 092

By noballs - 18/08/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, at work, there was some teenage hoodlums outside in our parking lot. When I tell them to leave, one of the bigger guys steps up and says "I'll kick your ass!". I yell "No balls!", to the teen. He then whips me to the ground and sits on my face, proving to me that he did. FML

agreeclassic 14 649

vote type 1 51 855

foxtmac218 app_comment_confession_title

foxtmac218 0

Tuesday 18 August 2009 16:56

this was me and no they were like 17. im 19 and my boss told me it was bad for buisness to have them loitering in our parking lot so i told them to leave. when i said no balls i figured he would walk away. the guy was strong as hell

By Heather - 12/11/2012 21:20 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

agreeclassic 45 230

vote type 1 3 242