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Update! I talked to my boss about it and he agreed that it seemed odd that I'd do something like that, but said that he had placed the punishment just in case. I'm off the hook though, so no training for me!

Cheeky sod

By what - 11/06/2015 22:46 - United States - Livermore

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 024

You deserved it 2 124

Cheat sheet

By ohh jeez. - 21/02/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, I handed in an assignment in health class that had to calculate my BMI. Embarassed by my weight I put it 15 pounds less. I got the assignment back and lost credit for something. Circled in red pen on the top was you must put your "EXACT" weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 990

You deserved it 19 082

Lost

By daenerys stromboli - 28/12/2013 18:11 - Ireland - Navan

Today, my parents started fighting at a restaurant. Embarrassed, I went to the restroom to get away and stayed in there for about 15 minutes, knowing how long their fights can last. When I came back, they were gone. They'd ditched me, and left me to walk several miles back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 071

You deserved it 4 698

By Snow - 07/02/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 778

You deserved it 35 120

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 447

You deserved it 1 861

My little friends

By Annonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 809

You deserved it 2 026

Out it comes

By emilyupsidedown - 16/01/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 046

You deserved it 31 823

By SK8WITME - 12/02/2016 18:22 - India

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 145

You deserved it 6 803

By ??? - 26/01/2017 04:00

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my mom about her boyfriend hitting on me. Not only did she not care, but she got mad at me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 810

You deserved it 492

I'm in hell

By mylifesuckssomuch3214 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after complaining to the administration about my roommate, I finally got switched. As I went into the room to meet my new roommate, I found out he was my old roommate's brother. They are exactly the same, and I'm not allowed to switch again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 360

You deserved it 3 453

By curiousminx - 06/12/2016 02:32 - Australia - Morningside

Today, is my first day as a student nurse. It was also the first day I learnt I was allergic to latex gloves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 996

You deserved it 850

By Wanaaa - 25/11/2016 07:08 - France - Toulouse

Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 127

By dafuqdidisee - 19/05/2013 06:30 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I woke up and went into my living room, only to be greeted by my aunt, sister, and mother watching a very graphic video showing women giving birth. They forced me to stay and watch it until the end. It was almost 90 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 909

You deserved it 5 323

By Anonymous - 13/08/2015 04:39 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 489

You deserved it 5 755

By Anonymous - 13/05/2014 19:23 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, everyone at the office was finally presented with the bonuses our boss had promised to pay us by the end of last year. Turns out he was never authorized to promise any such thing, so he ended up just giving us signed "thank you" letters instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 934

You deserved it 3 425

Loot

By ScrewedForCheapBag - 14/03/2013 08:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 512

You deserved it 2 631

By bleachingmykidsbrains - 01/07/2015 23:38 - Canada - Montréal

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 806

You deserved it 1 734

Bad dog!

By A…… - 23/05/2015 03:25 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 464

You deserved it 2 574

By fat teen - 05/06/2016 23:33 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 540

You deserved it 2 337

By gottaflossmoreoften - 13/04/2015 15:40 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 5 768

By Anonymous - 11/12/2013 22:25 - Luxembourg

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 359

You deserved it 3 251

By gmanxx - 29/06/2018 18:34

Today, I was fired from my new job before my first paycheck for taking 2 days off. I took 2 days off because my father got drunk and totaled my car, leaving me with no transportation, a hospitalized dad, property damage, and no money to pay for it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 503

You deserved it 502

gmanxx tells us more.

gmanxx 9

Friday 29 June 2018 6:04

you think i would lend him my keys knowing he was wasted? he took them. end of story.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, after years of lobbying for a travel job, I'm finally in Africa. Everything I eat or drink comes violently back out both directions. When I don't eat or drink, I pass out. Essentially I have to choose between illness and consciousness. Hello, fabulous new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 262

You deserved it 6 931

Today, my mother gave me a reprimand for my table manners when I didn't ask for someone to pass the vegetables I could have gotten myself. She then let out a raunchy fart at the table, and had the nerve to yell, "Did you ask to be excused?!" as I vacated the area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 99

Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 252

You deserved it 7 299

Today, I had an argument with my brother after discovering his new Confederate flag tattoo. His main response was, "It's about heritage, not hate!" We're third generation Italians from New Jersey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 161

Today, I was finally diagnosed with insomnia. The trouble is, because of my physical disability, I also have diagnosed chronic fatigue. Barely can stay awake during the day, can't sleep at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 95

Today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and super horny. I also cried during sex with my husband because I can't orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 210