Kids: Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them...

By TiredMum - 16/10/2013 13:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

agreeclassic 52 140

vote type 1 7 109

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 16:17 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

agreeclassic 26 405

vote type 1 3 366

By I hate children - 18/08/2014 12:10 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

agreeclassic 46 207

vote type 1 5 172

Masters of mischief

By Anonymous - 18/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Salem

Today, my 4-year-old twin sons discovered how to lock doors. They locked me out of the house while I was taking out the trash. I had to climb through the kitchen window, which they'd generously smeared with peanut butter. FML

agreeclassic 444

vote type 1 156

Goals!

By faitesdesgosses - 19/05/2014 14:27 - France - Mantes-la-ville

Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like to have when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML

agreeclassic 48 205

vote type 1 7 137

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

agreeclassic 58 491

vote type 1 9 876

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

agreeclassic 35 470

vote type 1 5 213

By ScaredDad - 02/05/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

agreeclassic 1 879

vote type 1 259

Back to square one

By Anonymous - 05/05/2009 03:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tiptoed out of the room did I realize that my phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML

agreeclassic 47 251

vote type 1 7 737

By pigtails - 16/01/2013 12:21 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

agreeclassic 31 429

vote type 1 3 243

By emergencyroom - 15/03/2014 12:21 - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

agreeclassic 51 481

vote type 1 9 399

BellaBear90 27

Wednesday 16 October 2013 18:49

Smart cookies :)

pam241 15

Wednesday 16 October 2013 18:49

Genius kids you got there

Comments

ChakatBlackstar 29

Thursday 17 October 2013 1:37

That's freaking genius.

Roterun 7

Thursday 17 October 2013 1:41

Put the cookies on top of the fridge an then see how they get them.

TallMist 32

Sunday 20 October 2013 17:37

A chair? A step-ladder? A stool? The Force? Telekinesis?

goldiesangel 10

Thursday 17 October 2013 2:03

Sounds like something my twins would do to me..hope it gets better for ya :)

FrankHotpants 31

Thursday 17 October 2013 3:01

Classic sibling teamwork.

Ray_of_midnight 22

Thursday 17 October 2013 3:15

I lived with a roommate that had cats that would do that. One of them would create a distraction and the other would raid whatever food was around.

rlb123 6

Thursday 17 October 2013 4:12

What would they do for a Klondike Bar?

porcelainvains 8

Thursday 17 October 2013 4:45

At least you're not raising dummies.

floatablebullet 7

Thursday 17 October 2013 5:14

Clever girls

aliciagentry 8

Thursday 17 October 2013 5:22

Haha that's pretty awesome!

acrasia 5

Thursday 17 October 2013 5:32

Your kids are going to grow up to be geniuses.

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Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

agreeclassic 36 837

vote type 1 3 584

Today, I looked at my neighbor's empty lawn; he's an old guy and he usually has the best Christmas lights. We knew he might not be able to do them this year, so I felt bad and I did them for him. Later, a neighbor asked about them and I told her that I helped out. She said, "You do know he died, right?" FML

agreeclassic 38 715

vote type 1 18 571

Today, I stopped to get gas on my way to work. It snowed over the weekend, so there was mud everywhere. When I tried to jump over a giant puddle by my door on my way back into the car, I went too high, bruised my shoulder on the doorframe, and rebounded ass-first into the puddle. FML

agreeclassic 7 313

vote type 1 1 945

Today, I tried to set up my brand new washer and dryer. How hard can it be, right? After cutting my hand in 3 places on the dryer vent, I finished it off with electrocuting myself. So much for being a domestic goddess. FML

agreeclassic 25 075

vote type 1 10 074

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he finished before me. I thought that he was going to try and get hard again so we could continue. Unfortunately, he turned to me and said to me, "Don't worry, I'll re-spawn in a few minutes." I lost it completely. FML

agreeclassic 2 021

vote type 1 524

Today after flying 9+ hours to meet my future month in-law, I had to take a pee in the rubbish bucket from her car in front of her, I said in my very bad Japanese, “So I guess we are good friends now!” She responded with a confident, “Yes!” FML

agreeclassic 2 146

vote type 1 387

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Masters of mischief

Goals!

Back to square one

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