unko

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About Unko

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Unko - Followers

Unko - Followed

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Unko's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

YDI Master

You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

A new thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

100 kick-ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

The list of badges to find

Unko's favorite FMLs

By tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 182

You deserved it 3 343

By noway - 22/03/2015 04:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 899

You deserved it 3 462

By Anonymous - 22/03/2015 09:52 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying at my after-wedding party, after promising she'd behave herself. She thinks my husband is an awful person who'll drag me into a life of sin, all because he has a tattoo and an ear piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 110

You deserved it 2 915

By Anonymous - 22/03/2015 14:59 - United States

Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 962

You deserved it 4 171

By Anonymous - 23/03/2015 23:08 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I had to sit in a three-seat truck between my dad and his best friend on a 4-hour trip to Detroit. It was great, besides their incessant crude jokes and stories, including chafing ball sacks, and naming their new radio station, "Chicks With Dicks Radio." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 2 734

By jumanji - 23/03/2015 23:19

Today, I heard what sounded like water against my window, and I couldn't believe it was raining in Southern California at this time of the year. I then turned to the window to see a hobo peeing on my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 436

You deserved it 2 653

Sorry, man

By Lii - 24/03/2015 01:04 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 123

You deserved it 15 437

Addams Family Values

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I overheard my co-workers referring to me as "Uncle Fester". This is apparently my nickname around the office, and has been for nearly three years. I had no idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 099

You deserved it 2 856

By chassezlenaturel - 24/03/2015 12:58 - Belgium

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 60

Quiet!

By faaail - 24/03/2015 16:51 - Ireland - Cork

Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 892

You deserved it 4 003

By ctmoto77 - 24/03/2015 17:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I arrived at work to find out someone had signed me up to a dating site. Apparently, my inability to speak to women has reached "boss level". Quite literally, as my boss was the one who signed me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 833

You deserved it 3 444

By peele - 25/03/2015 13:10 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 028

You deserved it 3 741

By Anonymous - 25/03/2015 19:00 - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 885

You deserved it 4 968

By Anasztaizia - 26/03/2015 06:58 - United States - Burnsville

Today, I was told by my boyfriend's parents to never come back to his house again, and was given a lecture about rule breaking. Apparently, curfew is midnight, and he isn't allowed to have girls over. This didn't sound so unreasonable until I remembered that we're both almost 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 964

You deserved it 4 003

Anasztaizia tells us more.

Anasztaizia 3

Thursday 26 March 2015 22:54

OP here! #51, you are both correct and incorrect. It IS actually his place, but he bought it off his parents. TL;DR: when they decided it was time to downsize, he bought their house off them, but they haven't moved out yet. The mentality of it still being their house, their rules (which I agree is sensible) hasn't quite left their heads yet.

By sexybelly - 26/03/2015 08:35 - Australia - Parramatta

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 896

You deserved it 4 630

By Anonymous - 26/03/2015 13:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 542

You deserved it 3 649