tandog

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Tandog's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.

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Tandog's favorite FMLs

By FGum - 30/07/2009 05:56 - United States

Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidentally dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 472

You deserved it 87 904

Bored stiff

By adsfkerfmpo - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I made a date to try to save our relationship. I sat in his room for hours while he watched YouTube videos of World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 260

You deserved it 8 074

Whodunnit

By emily - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cellphone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 429

You deserved it 4 368

By Herdad - 30/07/2009 11:34 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 079

You deserved it 3 703

By epicc1584 - 30/07/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was downtown with my boyfriend around Noon when we walked past a few guys who shouted out to me "You're the most beautiful girl we've seen all day". My boyfriend's response was "It's still early." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 188

You deserved it 4 461

By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 481

You deserved it 4 500

By verysadasian - 30/07/2009 14:21 - United States

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 713

You deserved it 29 330

By dumbo - 30/07/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. Twenty minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 894

You deserved it 18 927

Based

By Toaster - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 8 year-old little sister said, "F*** you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said, "Gotcha, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 181

You deserved it 4 230

Highly inappropriate

By thesockmancometh - 30/07/2009 15:21 - United States

Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 366

You deserved it 4 686

By VelocityMary - 30/07/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 379

You deserved it 6 893

Fancy seeing you here!

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a pap smear and she asked if it was alright if a doctor in training could come in to observe. I was already laying on the table with my feet in the stirrups, so everything was in plain sight. When the man came in to observe, I looked up to see my brother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 702

You deserved it 2 895

Thanks kids

By BadMurderer - 31/07/2009 04:01 - Mexico

Today, my little 7 and 6 year-old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied, "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 105

You deserved it 3 877

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 084

You deserved it 75 616

Help…

By Anonymous - 31/07/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I needed to buy Vagisil. I went to the grocery store so I could use the self check-out. My item rung up incorrectly, so a girl came to help. She was new and having trouble, so she called more people to help. I ended up having five people around me talking about my Vagisil purchase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 306

You deserved it 4 587

Suspect

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 427

You deserved it 2 854

Chance encounter

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 274

You deserved it 3 587

Choose your moments

By jcesom - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father taught my son to pee on the trees outside. We went to the mall later and my son decided to practice what he'd learned on a potted plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 333

You deserved it 6 218

By NinjaPanda88 - 01/08/2009 07:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 945

You deserved it 16 909

By Alice - 01/08/2009 08:15 - United States

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 533

You deserved it 10 883