dafuq1

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About Dafuq1

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Dafuq1 - Followers

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Hugged!

JennyArnol...

Dafuq1's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return, you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Work is a 4-letter word

Voting on an FML in the "Work" category on a Monday morning between 8 and 9 a.m. How ironic.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I'm an early bird, but no worm yet

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 a.m.

YDI Master

You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

I like your style

You gave a Hug to someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

50 quality comments

Clicking to reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried afterwards is even worthier.

A new thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

100 kick-ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

The list of badges to find

Dafuq1's favorite FMLs

By seepeezy32 - 02/02/2011 02:32

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 343

You deserved it 71 495

By thatsasquee - 21/05/2011 06:42 - Canada

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 367

You deserved it 5 791

By couldntholdit - 12/07/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 398

You deserved it 23 982

Thorn in my side

By CantPublish - 15/01/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, during swimming in PE, I kept noticing a stinging feeling on my scrotum. Every time I jumped into the water I would feel a sharp stab. After the full hour of hell, I went to the bathroom and looked in my new trunks. The designer had left a sewing needle in the crotch netting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 120

You deserved it 5 002

By jjs51 - 23/01/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 343

You deserved it 3 903

By Anonymous - 24/01/2012 00:10 - United States

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 540

You deserved it 2 929

The Thin White Duke

By DJ Clitter - 16/04/2012 19:35 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my daughter when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 106

You deserved it 33 604

By Flip - 02/05/2012 05:06 - France

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 823

You deserved it 58 585

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 17:02 - United States - Houston

Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 942

You deserved it 5 607

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 11:26 - Australia

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 136

You deserved it 3 504

By guy - 30/07/2012 03:24 - United States - Avon Lake

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 193

You deserved it 5 819

By skrillexblewme - 02/08/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 066

You deserved it 2 439

By coop7291 - 24/08/2012 05:21 - United States

Today, I had to give my boyfriend an enema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 730

You deserved it 2 948

By Skidmark Sally - 07/10/2012 21:41 - United States - Las Cruces

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 868

You deserved it 2 174

By Read The Fine Print - 24/11/2012 05:55 - United States - Sylmar

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 276

You deserved it 2 260

By anonymous - 04/04/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 780

You deserved it 4 203

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 16:26 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left for work, he came back home, with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 430

You deserved it 3 546

By juice723 - 02/02/2014 02:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 221

You deserved it 3 905

juice723 tells us more.

juice723 9

Sunday 2 February 2014 15:50

So yeah I've seen some comments asking for a follow up... I'm a girl. my mom has always said that her greatest regret was not having more children herself, but she's, you know, going through menopause... So I think wanting a lot of grandchildren is her way of making up for that. She has also clarified that she will be happy with four grandchildren, which is what I want to have. It was just wishful thinking that she could have that many grandchildren to help raise. Sorry if this long comment is confusing, but I hope it helps to clear things up!

By Anonymous - 25/02/2014 21:17 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 104

You deserved it 4 565

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 202

You deserved it 20 939