sfss99

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'Muricuh
27 years-old
Sunday 18 April 1999
Single

About Sfss99

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Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done, wrong turn. Go back.

Happy ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Work is a 4-letter word

Voting on an FML in the "Work" category on a Monday morning between 8 and 9 a.m. How ironic.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by Alan, our moderator.

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I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

100 kick-ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.

The return of the thumb

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The list of badges to find

Sfss99's favorite FMLs

By Ticklish - 13/04/2014 09:33 - United States - Marion

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 726

You deserved it 4 468

By worker666 - 13/04/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 931

You deserved it 4 257

Great, just great

By lax22 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 188

You deserved it 6 317

Saucy talk

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 03:17 - United States

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 039

You deserved it 7 888

By heycutie - 15/04/2014 04:24 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 972

You deserved it 7 286

By idontknowwhatiamdoing - 15/04/2014 04:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 406

You deserved it 12 642

By stupiddog - 15/04/2014 12:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 397

You deserved it 5 288

By Anonymous - 15/04/2014 16:37 - United States - Erie

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 913

You deserved it 10 076

Strike one

By sad but true. - 15/04/2014 23:18 - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cellphone, which I had left behind in a lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years-old." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 406

You deserved it 13 068

By Someone - 16/04/2014 00:20 - Canada - Windsor

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 081

You deserved it 5 834

By Foreveralone17362562 - 16/04/2014 02:18 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 526

You deserved it 5 766

By PoeticPathetic - 16/04/2014 02:28 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I sat and watched the CEO of DreamWorks on TV misuse words such as "quantum". He's filthy rich, whereas I'm a savagely underpaid gardener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 176

You deserved it 5 912

PoeticPathetic tells us more.

PoeticPathetic 0

Thursday 17 April 2014 8:35

I'm the OP Where I live a lot of my peers went to uni and ended up with jobs that pay even less than mine. Tradies get the big dollars in my state

By Confused - 16/04/2014 04:13 - United States - Irvine

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 715

You deserved it 14 675

By pablito - 17/04/2014 10:37 - France - Bron

Today, I'm 25 years old, I've got an education and I only now found out in front of 15 people that, no, sparrows are not small pigeons that are going to grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 220

You deserved it 450

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 02:55 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 817

You deserved it 20 866

By Anonymous - 19/04/2014 00:14 - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 883

You deserved it 8 917

By reb - 19/04/2014 17:25 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, my crazily elitist parents were so desperate to get me to dump my fiancé that they threatened to divorce if I didn't. When I told them to go ahead, they bitched me out for being disrespectful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 494

You deserved it 4 194

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 04:03 - United States - Meridian

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 306

You deserved it 5 059

Take a hike

By why?? - 20/04/2014 04:52 - United States - Englewood

Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 239

You deserved it 7 325

Work is work

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 17:58 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of three years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no-no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 684

You deserved it 9 595