Zebracat

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About Zebracat

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Zebracat - Followers

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Beginner

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I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

I like your style

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It's in the can!

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Consolation prize

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Who’s the fairest of them all?

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One more and it's business time

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Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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YDI Master

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100 kick-ass comments

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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

The list of badges to find

Zebracat's favorite FMLs

By orely44 - 08/03/2013 14:13 - France - Rez

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 08:56 - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 203

You deserved it 5 992

By cremyfrozentreat - 10/03/2013 13:40 - United States - Orlando

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 899

You deserved it 9 653

cremyfrozentreat tells us more.

cremyfrozentreat 11

Wednesday 13 March 2013 1:41

You're right, I did not plug his nose. I was too busy laughing at the whole situation. He shoved his nose into my boob while he held my nose closed. I don't know how he managed to keep erect with everything.

By PeeLeg - 11/03/2013 07:43

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 552

You deserved it 51 186

Awkward pause

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Blue Springs

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 534

You deserved it 17 930

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 861

You deserved it 10 582

Bon appétit

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Appleton

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 474

You deserved it 10 078

Beach bum

By YouSoSmelly - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Kannapolis

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 190

You deserved it 12 340

As a treat

By Undercooked - 24/09/2013 19:08 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 114

You deserved it 4 783

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 16:22 - United States - Union

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 391

You deserved it 8 124

Emergency

By -____- - 05/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 399

You deserved it 7 454

By kel - 08/11/2013 23:50 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 982

You deserved it 7 482

By :(( - 17/11/2013 20:27 - United States - Pearland

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said, "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank space: "Less often." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 468

You deserved it 4 554

By pootie - 11/12/2013 13:14 - United States - Miami

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 605

You deserved it 7 577

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 18:50

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 974

You deserved it 9 856

By Anonymous - 03/01/2014 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 745

You deserved it 5 521

By notsohandy - 03/01/2014 22:08 - Denmark - Hadsten

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 014

You deserved it 8 145

By Anonymous - 16/01/2014 17:57 - United States - Springfield

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 160

You deserved it 13 088

Technically Spanish

By LeChameauTrisomique - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - France - Saint-germain-de-la-grange

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I started to panic. My teacher suggested that I should say whatever popped into my head. I blurted out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 200

You deserved it 9 171

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 470

You deserved it 9 427