jordanb19

Miss

0
Followed

0
Followers

11
Badges

0
Comments

1067
Visits

674
Favorites

USA, USA
Not specified
Not specified
Single

About Jordanb19

...

Jordanb19 - Followers

Jordanb19 - Followed

Jordanb19's page visits

Hugged!

Jordanb19's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

One ring to rule them all

You submitted an FML, that was subsequently published, and statistically this makes you an exceptional person.

It's in the can!

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

A new thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

YDI Master

You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

The list of badges to find

Jordanb19's favorite FMLs

By teentee401 - 07/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Canonsburg

Today, I hugged my dad. Since I don't hug him very much, he was confused. When I pulled away from him, smiling, he slapped me, saying the smiling and the hug made it look like I was "up to something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 083

You deserved it 6 875

teentee401 tells us more.

teentee401 36

Tuesday 8 July 2014 2:57

Nope, I'm pretty sure that isn't it since I'm a girl.

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 311

You deserved it 9 102

By and the truth comes out - 22/07/2014 08:44 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 989

You deserved it 7 650

Mfing kids

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 934

You deserved it 5 478

Life advice

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 15:19 - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 315

You deserved it 7 328

By oops - 14/08/2014 21:54 - United States

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 104

You deserved it 81 650

By emmamrose7 - 15/08/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 804

You deserved it 6 103

By gag reflex - 16/08/2014 16:03 - Australia - Burwood

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 097

You deserved it 9 826

Double standards

By onlywantuanyway - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 192

You deserved it 8 536

By healthfreak - 07/09/2014 01:57 - United States - Marietta

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not a virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 671

You deserved it 4 221

Nervous

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Whittier

Today, I realized how truly insecure I really am when the guy in the show I was watching looked straight into the camera and I immediately looked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 303

You deserved it 5 492

By Anonymous - 07/09/2014 15:55 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 360

You deserved it 3 832

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 13:17 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 615

You deserved it 7 490

By Jamestown of Vagina - 13/09/2014 14:36 - United States - Houston

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 686

You deserved it 3 732

By Anonymous - 13/09/2014 14:39 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 335

You deserved it 5 091

By berryjones11024 - 14/09/2014 14:35 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 090

You deserved it 5 377

berryjones11024 tells us more.

berryjones11024 17

Monday 15 September 2014 4:23

Hello the OP here, in case you are wondering my son is 14, this what makes this bad. I had a talk with him about combing his hair with scissors, he said that since it had an edge he thought it would work just fine. He's not hurt in any way but if he was to hurt himself, I would have told him to figure it out. The eating toothpaste is a whole different story, I didn't know the purpose and he didn't know the purpose. I don't think he knew that toothpaste is poisonous if you ate it. Anybody want to adopt a kid?

By kitkat - 17/09/2014 19:48 - United States

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lives two hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 412

You deserved it 4 463

By sickened - 21/09/2014 18:23 - United Kingdom - Gateshead

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 856

You deserved it 8 340

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 21:07 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 243

You deserved it 8 211

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 21:27 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 112

You deserved it 3 774