jordanb19

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About Jordanb19

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

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You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

One ring to rule them all

You submitted an FML, that was subsequently published, and statistically this makes you an exceptional person.

It's in the can!

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Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

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Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

A new thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

YDI Master

You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

Beginner

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The list of badges to find

Jordanb19's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 12/01/2010 02:25 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my parents necking in the living room. I promptly covered my eyes and muttered something about my innocence being stolen from me. My dad looked up from the couch, and mentioned that he had heard my innocence being stolen by Jake, my boyfriend from 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 313

You deserved it 40 884

By uneducated - 07/03/2010 00:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old Father is the 'Sugar Daddy' to a 20-year-old. He wasted my college funds on her, which I have been dutifully saving for ever since I was 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 455

You deserved it 2 341

Cost effective

By EmbarrassedDaughter - 23/05/2010 07:27 - Canada

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in and saying, "That's an expensive bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 681

You deserved it 10 611

Liquid fun

By Cat - 13/06/2010 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 195

You deserved it 4 219

By GirlishMan1883897 - 24/07/2010 10:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 149

You deserved it 74 776

By kiki - 05/08/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 383

You deserved it 3 888

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year-old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 910

You deserved it 43 696

By ILoveFML - 29/08/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready." He then looked at me and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 949

You deserved it 7 750

By ouch - 01/09/2010 13:50 - Belgium

Today, I was in the airport after saying goodbye to my boyfriend who left for three months. Walking back to my car, I saw a young couple kissing passionately. If that wasn't bad enough, the guy then picked his girlfriend up, spun her round in the air and her foot kicked me square in the jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 358

You deserved it 4 209

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 02:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 080

You deserved it 2 454

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 01:17 - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after two years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 600

You deserved it 27 971

Bastard!

By copper - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over because there was a sign hidden behind a tree that said "No left turn". As I was getting my ticket, I watched as three cars turned left. The cop saw them, laughed, and said, "I guess you're the unlucky one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 321

You deserved it 3 714

By birdguts - 31/01/2011 02:34 - United Kingdom

Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 013

You deserved it 5 268

Freudian slip

By MollyMadamme - 01/02/2011 00:33

Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blowjob. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 022

You deserved it 6 381

By inalotofpain - 16/04/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 505

You deserved it 3 929

By bham boy - 20/04/2011 08:10

Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 384

You deserved it 33 779

By Anonymous - 12/06/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail, because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 663

You deserved it 10 775

By randomjulz - 16/06/2011 03:53 - United States

Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 296

You deserved it 9 983

By eatmywords - 05/07/2011 07:06 - Singapore

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 526

You deserved it 64 251

By 99520 - 28/07/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I gave my dad a brochure for anger management. His response? Throwing a chair out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 423

You deserved it 7 453