jordanb19

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About Jordanb19

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Jordanb19's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

50 favorites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

One ring to rule them all

You submitted an FML, that was subsequently published, and statistically this makes you an exceptional person.

It's in the can!

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Judgmental

You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

The return of the thumb

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

A new thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

I agree, my mouse works.

200 "I agree" votes is a good start.

YDI Master

You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

The list of badges to find

Jordanb19's favorite FMLs

By meep - 23/12/2009 16:05 - United States

Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 809

You deserved it 12 337

By meganmagee - 16/09/2013 18:47 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 500

You deserved it 9 345

meganmagee tells us more.

meganmagee 11

Wednesday 18 September 2013 1:35

After maxing out our credit card on a salt water tank, Mr. Shelly has a permanent home here with Megan, Tony, and Ansleigh Magee.

Nice!

By ugh thanks - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Dayton

Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 091

You deserved it 6 916

You got what you wanted

By Anonymous - 19/08/2014 18:16 - United States - Glendale

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned, "The bitch on the pot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 175

You deserved it 19 074

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 989

You deserved it 7 044

By whotouchedyou1 - 26/08/2014 02:37 - United States - Cypress

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 232

You deserved it 11 784

By wowzer - 28/08/2014 19:58 - Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 401

You deserved it 3 636

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:16 - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 223

You deserved it 3 974

By adeeri - 04/09/2014 01:24 - United States - Jackson

Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 317

You deserved it 3 230

By littleteapot - 05/09/2014 02:47 - United States

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 160

You deserved it 14 413

littleteapot tells us more.

littleteapot 21

Friday 5 September 2014 13:45

Did I sit on a stranger's face? haha no

Fishing

By Veronica - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 927

You deserved it 5 020

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 189

You deserved it 4 569

By klaatu barada nikto - 20/01/2015 13:23 - United States - Des Moines

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 249

You deserved it 2 697

Bath time [GONE WRONG][CREEPYPASTA]

By noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 324

You deserved it 23 932

By the-yao - 24/01/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 924

You deserved it 3 819

By Señor Guapo - 04/03/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 739

You deserved it 45 427

Stop, just stop

By Girl123999 - 04/03/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he spank you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 266 410

You deserved it 35 562

Classic

By Can't Spell Worth A Damn - 06/03/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 770

You deserved it 41 855

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 2 006

By Alex - 26/03/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 203

You deserved it 76 900